Coulda been the 17 year old gun shot wound to the head (by a rival gang member) who is confused (now permanently) and crying for his Mama. When his Mama does finally show up, shes wearing a tank top that says "No body sucks it better." Just rubbed me the wrong way. But I didnt say word.

Mighta been the man watching me juggle multiple IV tubings and yet screamed he needed me immediately. He couldnt reach his feet and he wanted me to wash them. Yup, pissed me off. I kept my mouth shut.

Was it the Grandma who, despite all of my best efforts, managed to pull out her central line and swung repeatedly at me when I tried to apply pressure to the wound? I mean, honestly, isnt 67 a little old to be doing crack cocaine? But I just smiled, applied pressure, and ducked.

But no, I think it was the guy who insisted on giving me a running commentary on his every freakin move. "Nurse! Come now! I am tired!" (Um, okay, take a nap.) "Nurse! Come now! I dont like this kind of juice!" (Ill send your waitress right over.) "Nurse! Come now! I feel pain!" (Well, I just gave you enough morphine to sedate a horse about 90 seconds ago. What say we wait and see if it works?) "Nurse! Come now! I want extra pillow!" (This is County, buddy. You already have one. That makes you one over the usual quota.) Of course, my retorts are all in my head.

"Nurse! Come now! He fell!"

Wait a minute; thats the wife. I rush over, I find him in bed. I am confused. Wife explains she was helping him up when he slumped over in bed. Okay, technically that is a slump, not a fall. He did not hit his head or any other body part. He is not bleeding, and his vital signs are better than mine. Yet miraculously, he cant see. Starts crying loud enough to shake the rafters. Looks at the doctor when the doctor comes in, tells him he cant see, and starts crying louder. Young fresh faced new intern tries to do the right thing. He orders x-rays, a CT scan, a neuro consult. I start filling out the extraneous "patient fall" paperwork. Sweet new intern says "Okay, is there anything else I should order?"

Its out of my mouth before I know it. And in tone and volume not befitting of a nurse I say "Yeah, could you order some Vagasil? This guy is a fucking pussy!"

No doubt Ms. Nightingale did a spin in her grave over that one!