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All About the Blah Blah Blah...The main reason I don't open up to a lot of people is because most of them are pains in the ass. I'm often told I come off as insanely laid back. Any of my blog readers know it isn't exactly first nature for a gal like me to take life lightly. It's my goal..but I'm not there, in the zone, yet.
What I can't stand is the rare ocassion I forget myself and open the door to my life a teensy crack, only to fall victim to a full frontal attack. Take for instance today when a coworker (who I feel the need to mention is my own age) asks me about my schedule. I haven't slept in a few days for reasons I'll let you guess about and I hadn't quite locked the door to my turtle shell tightly enough.
I droned shortly (and between yawns) about how I was perturbed about an oversight by my manager. The woman (better known as the anti-Christ) had me down to work on the Fourth of July holiday this year. One problem with that. I hadn't been notified of that little fact. I wondered when exactly she planned to let me in on that info. Perhaps she'd give me a courtesy call around midnight on the 3rd...?
Anyhow.
I was trying to play nice and fill the silence between the coworker and I with polite banter. Conversating was actually the last thing I felt like doing in the zomboid state I was in tonight. She'd trekked across the bldg to my department and she wouldn't freakin' leave. I've never personally had a problem with letting silence fester in a room like flat soda, but I caved tonight because I was too tired to wait her out and I was waist deep in work by the time she'd arrived. This person hangs around at the same time every night to see if she can hitch a ride home with my ride and she seemed happy just sitting there...My one word answers to her "friendly" questions were starting to bore ME. I have considered hiding my antisocial arse underneath a desk when my Dell clock tells me her visit is imminent.
Why am I such a sociopath? Well, I'm getting to that...
The coworker told me I should tell the manager I had plans on that day and would not be coming in, which would have effectively left her up shit's creek without a paddle. Managment had already confirmed that I was in the right for her continual lack of protocol and I just needed to say the word.
The truth was, I needed the money.
I also didn't think it would be very nice to have Mrs. Manager struggling for a fill-in at the last minute only to end up missing July 4th with her family because the rest of the dept she had alienated also refused to come in.
Half of me really leaned towards wanting the overtime, and I told the cowroker that. I also pointed out that it's wise to choose your battles. I didn't have a point to make this time around to my manager, but she might not be as lucky the next time.
Well didn't all hell break loose after I said that.
"Oh PLEASE!!" Said the coworker. "Like you need the money THAT bad! Tell her off! You act as if a day's pay is going to make or break you!"
What were my delicate ears perceiving? Hmmm? Attitude? (Grrrr..easy, Cazzy!) I was sure my perception must have been off, leaned my weight on one hip and scanned her with narrow eyes and a cool, collected smile.
"Actually, it might. Times are tough, and I'm living beyond my means right now..This could get me a little closer to making the rent on time this month.."
I almost thought I heard her hiss. What ensued was a long speech about how she was a single mother and if anyone should be struggling it was her. I was told I should move out of the apartment I had because I obviously didn't need it.
Well, I lost it..but only on the inside. On the outside I'd calmy crossed my arms and asked rather rationally. "How do you know what I need? I wasn't aware that I'd volunteered any facts about my personal life that would allow you to make that judgment call". The extent of her knowledge, as a matter of fact, was that I leave my office at 10 every night. Pretty tell-tale element of a person's life, but it leaves much to be desired in terms of intimacy.
More often than not I don't put up a fight. I wonder sometimes what that says to people. I'm usually too busy living my own life to worry about what goes on beyond the scope of my consciousness. If my lack of argument makes them believe they've won some sort of a battle or imposed their belief system on me, well then I'm happy to have contributed to their false, desperate sense of self assurance.
Because it doesn't cost anything to make a person happy. lol
I'm aware that anyone, including me, could find themselves a single parent and struggling. I hadn't walked in her shoes which is why there wasn't an iota of me that felt I had the right to judge her. I've broken bread with millionaires and homeless people and I've found there are three things either can find themselves in possession of that can't be bought or rented:
1. Wisdom earned through pain and experience 2. Empathy born of that wisdom and 3. Class.
And had my coworker lived by the same creed, I might've still had respect for her after tonight.
So if you're reading this and you think that lady who never seems to chime in at the water cooler is a bit conceited, try considering that she's just the type of person who has had enough of people and their ignorant, unfounded judgments. Just remember, it's easy for a person to tell you to overturn your whole life. Words are easy.
But when you live your life to prove a point to other people you might find yourself screwed in a major way..And when you're down it's just as easy for those same people who issued the advice that ruined you to shrug their shoulders and say, "Well, why did you listen to me"?
Just a little advice. Minus the judgment. 8:20 PM - June 28, 2007 - post comment
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