| Shadow Writing |
Things That Go "Boink!" in the Night..I slept amazingly well last night.
I did have a dream, though. I suppose it was inevitable. I can fool my body into not believing its in the midst of a stressful situation, but my mind is as sharp as a tack. Anytime theres a thought Id rather avoid, my brain takes it and runs amok with it in my dreams.. Over the years, Ive dreamed of the same home (the one with the hidden door at the back of it that leads to endless rooms). This dream was a little odd, because the home I owned in this one was a gorgeous Victorian Id actually never dreamed of before. Id compare it to one of those fancy schmancy mansions you always see in those Hindi movies. It was airy and spacious, floors of white marble and polished gold banisters along two spiral staircases. Each majestic set of steps lead to the same place, a sort of suspended "veranda" that overlooked my livingroom. Sure, it was my idea of paradise..Not my idea of home, which would be somewhat humbler..but most definitely my idea of heaven, bathed in its yellow glow of oakwood, stone and crystal chandeliers. =) In my dream, I'd let myself in to find it packed full of people. Somehow I was aware these people were my neighbors and I wasnt a bit happy to see them. You see, I was sure I hadn't scheduled any sort of affair and I had locked the door before I left the house. Fuck, I sure had a hell of a lot of neighbors! They had flocked to every corner of my house by the dozens and there was nothing I could do to get rid of them!
I realized they were rifling through my belongings, too, and then leaving through my front entrance with whatever it was they liked. As a few people left, a Chinese couple walked in and pointed at a tapestry of mine, then started to jabber. I got the feeling they might pry it down in a minute or two...after they were done with the unauthorized tour. They seemed to have plenty of time to spare. I freaked out and started screaming at the top of my lungs. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to scream in dreams? Theres a hormone in the human body that restricts most of our "real life"movement, even though we might be struggling for our lives in our sleep. Dogs dont have that hormone, which is why you can see them twitch, wriggle and cry out in their sleep sometimes. I always wake up exhausted when Ive been screaming in my dreams..because I know I was doing it silently, while my mind struggled to make my body ablige. That must be why everyone in my dream was completely ignoring me, mingling and making their way around as if I were a 5 year old that had just feebly tugged on their shirt tails to pay attention to me. I was a joke. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!" I cried out.."THIS IS MY HOUSE!! I PAY THE RENT HERE!! LEAVE THAT ALONE!! GET OUT"!! It hadn't occurred to me to call the police. I remember running back and forth through my hallways and between properties, returning to my grand hall where all the people were and feeling more exhausted each time. Ocassionally, I'd get lost in a maze of hallways and when I did finally make it back, the scene was always the same..more people would push past me into my abode as if I werent there, until I stood, defeated, crying. Holy freakin crap.
It isn't a hard dream to decipher. There was one feeling that definitely permeated the dream. I guess it's how I really feel, whether I want to admit it or not. I feel that way every time I have to move.
Violated. I didnt wake up in that good a mood, but I got over it pretty quickly. Im rising above the fear stage and learning to, as my mom said yesterday, take life one day at a time. And as for my youth wasting away as I do that? Well, age is just a number. And youth is just a state of mind. Young isnt what I want to be, anyway. I just want to be vibrant. If you're vibrant you should be able to shine brighter than those dark spots you encounter. In conclusion, I have decided not to cease living my life because other people would have me do so. I visited my favorite thrift store which will be closing at the end of the month and browsed through their library just as I had planned (and when I say library, I mean theyd put the Manhattan Lions to shame!).
I was in awe browsing the hard and soft covers and a few impressive limited editions that would cost one a whopping 4 for a dollar (not to mention you get TWO FREE for buying those four..haha). It's incredible how many things people can think of to write about...places to visit, places to eat, stuff to cook, philosophy, quantum physics, sci-fi fantasies about the beginning of time and alternate universes..romance...teen angst...mysticism and psychology...books about people who write about mysticism and psychology..books about people who write about people who write about mysticism and psychology..hehe I ended up picking out a giant scrapbook bound in dark fabric with suns, moons and stars all over it. And a diary that was the same color. I was pleased to open them up and see nothing but blank pages inside them both. Surrounded by all that knowledge, I realized that today my head was just too full to commit to something with writing inside it. 7:41 PM - July 11, 2007 - post commentShare and enjoy
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