Free Paper Thumper

Cazmia's Shadow Writing

Posted in Unspecified

I'm a free newspaper whore, yes I am. If it's fit to print (or especially if it's not) and it costs nada, it's very likely tucked under my arm. I could toss a quarter to that guy on the Grand Concourse for a copy of the Daily News, but I'd walk away hating myself. Why? It's not as if I'd miss the quarter.

It's mainly because I have always believed, and still do to this day, that the best things in life are free.

And the best things in New York are too.

Ballsy thing to say during the onset of a recession, but it bares repeating that I was raving about AM New York way before they sent me a complimentary Tilt. That was icing on my cake. They had me at hello. I was so impressed by the ease at which they sum up current events in a few neat, intelligent paragraphs that I actually started to read the news and not just the horoscope and crossword. Current events often depress me so it's a big accomplishment to have me following the headlines.

I'd lost interest in my other regular read, the Village Voice, years ago. Anyone who has been a loyal reader in the past knows the Voice has...changed over the years. Not only has it gotten thinner, but more of it's pages than ever are for sale.

While I never minded all that buff, oily booty scattered about the back pages in the 90's, it's become over 50 percent arse in the past ohhhh five years. I wouldn't mind it much if all that sweaty skin had a story behind it, but it's just page after page of ads for hair removal, liposuction, swing clubs, health & wellness spas I can't afford.

Ug! Talk about overkill!!

I'm a New Yorker. Since the genius invention of the low-rider pant, I've been witness to butt-crack cleavage of apocalyptic proportions. There comes a point in every human's life when you have to say, "In the name of all that is palatable, NO MAS!!" I might still have to look at the waist of that woman's size two jeans laboring under the weight of her size ten cheekage on the bus, but, by golly, I wasn't going to choose to be overrun by it in Manhattan's War (and Piece) of T&A.

Like a few people I've known, I found it ultimately lacking in substance and just (yawns) got bored with it. So, I became a rebel. I would fight the glute-tony and put down the Village Voice.

For good.

Or so I thought.

One morning weeks ago, the Voice started calling to me again. I passed by it's little case that said, "FREE! TAKE ONE!", sadly still full. Back in the day, you had to be pounding the pavement p-r-e-t-t-y early just to get your hands on a copy of the Voice. I'd forgotten to pick up my copy of AM, and was feeling charitable. Then there was that pang of familiarity, of what me and the Voice once had...(sighs)

It wasn't half bad. I've been missing out on a GREAT horoscope by Rob Brezsny and my life would've been lacking if I hadn't caught this year's Best of NYC list which includes categories like "BEST STORE IN WHICH TO GET FELT UP" or "BEST PLACE TO RE-CREATE YOUR ENTIRE VIDEO-GAME SETUP, CIRCA '93" or how about "BEST REASON TO GO DOWN A BUSHWICK SIDE STREET AT NIGHT".

I gotta' say, it rocked. I'm looking into best excuse for a walking tour of New York even though you live here. I've got some New York secrets of my own, but I'm not quite willing to contribute to the list yet (even though the article invites you to).

Loose lips sink ships, ya know.