I'm still a little stung from all this but it seems I will live. I meant what I said at the end though. I'm not angry or upset any more and I realize that this thought stayed with me even after I had calmed down and had a good night's sleep. Should Larry and I end up apart I will never marry again. Not because I don't think it's a good thing but because I just really do not want it for myself any more.
That doesn't mean I don't want to be married to Larry. He has his chucklehead tendencies but I love him. It's just that I have had enough of the dramatic bullshit that comes with committed relationships (like marriages, dating is fine) and having to explain to, answer to, and argue with another person. I've had enough of waiting (sometimes a long time) until it's convenient for someone else to watch the kids so I can do simple things like shower or just escape from the house for a few minutes. I'm tired of living by his schedule and doing everything his way.
My life is not unhappy. Truthfully, I'm quite happy in spite of all of the challenges and adversity that we've been hit with recently. For the most part we get along brilliantly and we do love one another.
Some days, though...
I flash back to the film Home Alone, in particular the scene in which Kevin gets tired of being constantly surrounded by the forty or so people who keep running in and out of the house, scarfing the good pizza and hogging the bathroom and he loses it.
Kevin:: This house is so full of people it makes me sick, when I grow up and get married (jumping up and down) I'm living alone!! I'm living alone!!
At the time I laughed. I even ran it back a few times to giggle over how silly it was. Now it seems a lot less silly.
Now it's more like, you know...that little dude was on to something....
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