Poopy train.

On the plus side, at least it's operational again. This car has become such a cause of frustration and anxiety I can actually envision myself taking up arms against it - and I'm terrified of guns. Just recently I've had this recurring (and oh, so satisfying) fantasy in which I borrow Larry's rifle, march out to the driveway and blast the fuck out of that rolling dumpster. I doubt Larry's rifle is capable of inflicting the kind of damage my mind has been conjuring, but it makes me happy anyway.

Hubbins said something the other night about replacing the car, which got me thinking; Larry's always wanted a truck. We haul away a lot of yard stuff and donate lots of things to Goodwill, which usually has to be done in a rented truck or van because the Taurus can't haul it. We have a trailer for it but it only was able to haul it for a little while before the transmission dropped the first time, and we've had to rent a vehicle to help during our seasonal cleanouts ever since. I suggested that we buy a truck and he pass the VW, which I have always coveted, along to me.

His response: I can't have the VW, and he wants to buy a minivan.

My response: No.

Allow me to reiterate; HELL NO.

We can barely fit the working vehicles we have in our driveway. John has had to park in the front yard because the mailman complained about not being able to get to the mailbox and if he parks in the driveway he blocks both me and Larry in. I have to be able to get out to take Trent to school and Larry has work, so there's no way he can park there until Larry leaves in the morning. This has resulted in some spectacularly deep tire ruts in our front yard from John getting stuck after a heavy rain. Our driveway is shaped like a cul-de-sac; narrow at the entrance then wider at the back, but at it's widest point it can still only accomodate two cars side-by-side. Anything else bottlenecks us in.

And Larry wants to put a fucking land yacht in it for us to try and maneuver around?

:: buzzer sounds ::

Wrong answer, my man. Thank you for playing.

I used to drive a Dodge Caravan minivan years ago, and it's convenient for long trips but for everyday use, it's a pain in the ass. Parking the thing especially. Every time I had to parallel park I had this unsettling mental image of a uniformed officer standing next to the van with two upraised flashlights, trying his best to direct me into the space while I sweated and hoped the car behind me wasn't as close as it seemed to be - and ended up hitting it anyway.

Thanks ever so, but no.

We can barely get in and out of the freaking driveway as it is, and a vehicle of that size would do further damage to the front yard.

I hope I can talk him out of it. Even if he doesn't want to share the VW. We simply do not need that much vehicle now that the babies are out of their car seats. If he buys anything I'd rather it be another Beetle. I'll love it and it will fit in the driveway. But Gods, not a minivan.

Please, not that.