...is pretty fucking slow, boys and girls.

Case in point: my wayward cousin Dawn, most often recognized by her alias; Cousin Jailbird.

A few weeks ago she had taken to avoiding her probation officer. Said PO became rather annoyed by the situation and finally left a message for CJ with her ex boyfriend (and father of her daughter, who has custody of Tesla because Cousin Jailbird is a hopeless drug and alcohol abuser), telling her that if she didn't present her sorry behind in the office by the middle of the following week, Cuz was looking at more jail time, as her PO intended to send the local constabulary to round her up.

The problem? Jailbird had imbibed. Multiple times, in fact and knew her drug test would come back dirty. To be more accurate, it would be storm-drain filthy.

Her response to this was to begin calling around to find the substance she uses when she gets herself into such situations. It's some type of internal detox that removes drugs and alcohol from a person's system. I suspect what she was using is goldenseal, a detox herb so potent that I've been told it is used in rehab facilities to help cleanse the system and aid in recovery. Knowing Jailbird's penchant for caution she most likely had a wicked case of diarrhea the morning she was due to take her urine test, but the detox did in fact prove successful. Once agin she had managed to slip by.

And thank goodness, because now there's nothing stopping her from continuing the delightful existence to which she has become accustomed. Wouldn't want to have to do jail time. Not with so much crack floating around in the non-jail zone.

This girl is an embarrassment to D students everywhere.

Her latest adventure involves Tesla (her daughter), and a boy that Tes loves but because of her own 'forward' behavior (ask my mom, that hasn't been fully explained to me yet, but I'm assuming it includes sitting on this boy's lap and trying to play tonsil hockey in the presence of his parents), and the less than sterling reputation of Tes' mommy, the two of them have been forbidden to see one another. Jailbird has decided that the best way to handle this situation is to help the two of them sneak by his parents so they can be together. She has been dropping her daughter off at this boy's home when his parents are at work or otherwise occupied and leaving her there unsupervised.

I'm not a prudish kinda girl. I am, in fact a hippie. Therefore, I do not believe in sexual re/opression, but in sexual responsibility and exercising good common sense. Do not have sex with anyone whose child you would not willingly carry should whichever birth control method you are using fail, at least take some time and make an effort to get to know the other person first and for fuck's sake (literally!!) use condoms.

Also be older than fourteen.

I'm sure there's a group of people out there that advocate for children that young to have sex as long as they act responsibly, but I'm not one of them. The reason? I will be 39 in a few weeks, and I can honestly say that I have learned, experienced much and grown since I was in my early teens. There is no question in my mind that at 14 years of age I had neither the life experience, emotional maturity or instinct for mothering that I have now. All I wanted to do was skip school, smoke Marlboros and play Atari, all of which I did. I had no clue what sexual responsibility even means, or what the hell to do with a baby.

However, Tes seems to think she does. Since finding out she is sexually active, her father and grandmother have tried twice to put her on birth control, and both times she has refused, going to far as to throw a raging fit at the mention of Depo-Provera.

To what end, one may ask? Tes had a miscarriage last week.

The only thing about this situation that is even slightly humorous is that while the child was in the hospital losing her baby, her brain damaged (brain dead is more like it), stupid troll of a mother was admonishing her to 'not scare me like this again'. Suddenly the woman who has been taking her daughter and dropping her off at a boy's house and leaving them unsupervised is super parent. Suddenly she shows some concern. Never mind that it was her own irresponsible and stupid behavior that created this sitution in the first place. She's been out of Tes' life so much she figures she's going to repair some of the damage she's done by being her pal. At this stage I'd say the last thing Tes needs is another pal. She needs a parent who is going to put her foot down and back Dennis and Candy (Tes' dad and grandmother) up when they tell her to do/not do something, and respect the wishes of the parents of Tes' boyfriend - who by the way DO have the right to get the law to intervene on their behalf since Dawn can not be trusted to do the right thing.

Reportedly Tes was all smiles and giggles in the hospital, which tells me two things:
1) she has no grasp of the seriousness of what just happened to her, and
2) she is purposefully trying to get pregnant.

I think 2 is the most likely possibility. She's been violently refusing to take birth control, his parents are completely against the two of them being together and she claims she's in love. Odds are good she thinks that by having a baby all of their problems will go away because his parents will have to accept her then.

To say she's in for a rude awakening is an understatement. There is a world of difference between what she thinks will happen and what will actually happen. Those differences being that by getting pregnant she's verifying her boyfriends' parents view of her and making it less likely they'll approve of the two of them being together, and once the novelty of having this cute little baby wears off and they realize it's actually work neither one of them is likely to really want it. Bringing a baby into the world with a job (in this case, to keep his or her parents together) is tremendously unfair. It's beyond wrong to thrust an innocent child into the middle of a volatile situation and think that somehow he or she can fix it. That's worse thasn gullibility; it's thoughtless, careless and completely stupid. Tes seems to think that her sweetie's parents will welcome her and their grandchild with open arms. One does not have to be psychic to see a very different reaction and a very disappointing future for her. These people don't want her with their son - how can she be so niave as to think they'll be delighted to learn that the girl they have been working so hard to keep him from being with is expecting his child? That's just plain ridiculous.

As sorry as I feel for Tes for being so niave and thoughtless, I feel even more empathy for her dad and grandmother. Candy moved in with Dennis shortly after he got custody of Tes and she absolutely adores her. Tes is her only granddaughter and the only one of her grandchildren who lives close by so she was really thrilled to have the opportunity to bond with her. Tes talks to her like shit and treats her horribly. She's seen her mother act like a maniac so often she thinks that's an acceptable way to get what she wants and apparently she goes off in a rage with great regularity, throwing things, breaking things and screeching and swearing like a crazy person. She's called Candy every disgusting name she could think of. And Dennis does the best he can but he's got to be away most of the day working to support them. There's only so much he can do and this situation has him completely miserable.

Dawn tried to keep him from finding out why Tes was in the hospital. Dumbshit. He has legal custody of the child and she lives with him. He had to give consent for her to receive treatment because Dawn has lost all rights to do so, and she honestly thought the truth could be kept from him? I wonder what story she wanted the doctors in the ER to give him as the reason why his daughter was lying in a hospital bed, bleeding copiously? I'd be extremely interested in hearing that tale myself.

The motivation for that, plain and simple, is that Cuz knows she has seriously fucked up. Her lack of responsibility and good judgement are the cause behind Tes' miscarriage. I'm sure she'll say she had no idea the two kids were having sex, but even her desiccated, dope and booze inundated little dried sponge of a brain could squeeze out just enough common sense to know what was going on, though of course she'll claim she had no idea. I mean, really - what the hell else did she think was happening when she dropped Tes off to spend time alone with this boy?

The stupid. It fucking burns.

Dawn will blame everyone but herself but if she still had a shred of honesty left within her she'd at least acknowledge to herself that this situation is truly her fault. Her irresponsibility and overall cruddy judgement have put her daughter in a hideous situation. The child is obviously trying to get pregnant, which at the rate she's going will probably happen by the end of the summer, if not sooner. At the rate Dawn herself is going, she'll be locked up again soon, by the end of the summer, if not sooner.

For the combined sakes of Tes, Dennis (who will have to struggle to support one more person), and Candy (who will no doubt be handed the baby to raise so Tes can go to school and continue to do 'her thing'), and that poor potential baby who would neither want nor ask to be born into this mess, I hope Cousin Jailbird gets her ass locked up again soon.

As usual, the only way to prevent her from doing any damage is to take her out of the picture entirely.

I am hoping and praying it happens before her stupidity and carelessness help her daughter become pregnant.