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Day 13: March 21, Monday – Today is black out day. Blessed be to God! Day 14: March 22, Tuesday - You know when you're back to reality and each day seems to be a succession of routines and new endeavors you need to traverse you seem to just wanna step back and make sure this is the reality you want to live your life with. The rains have come and gone, come and gone, and sometimes the loneliness sinks in when you either have no umbrella to shield you from the rain or if you have one but none to share it with. Work's challenges have almost taken its toll and then I find myself searching for meaning - for why I am here. Somehow I try to find the answers from the people I work with, I talk to and share occasional lunch with. Somehow they seem to throw away pieces of the puzzle you need to put together. For sure, after the rain, there will be bright light shining ahead of us. Again, another blissful day, praise God! Day 15: March 23, Wednesday - When it's midweek, you'd think to slack off but no, not in this business with a lot to juggle in your hands. The days just seem to squeeze in to snugly fit into my long list of planned and unplanned activities for the whole week up to a month or so. Something excites me over the weekend. Blessed be to God! Day 16: March 24, Thursday - A news from a distant messenger had caused me to postpone many things for later. But that doesn't stop my hectic scheds to unfold one after the other. May Thy good will be done always... amen. Day 17: March 25, Friday - Another black out day for me, but something I keep with the closest of loved ones and with the Lord. Blessed be to God! Day 18: March 26, Saturday - On a weekend at work after having missed out for a day, having reunited with my team gives me a sense of belongingness for a while. It's always pleasurable sharing hefty meals and casual conversations with the team. After that long day and as the sun was about to set, I was torn between traveling to the mountains or to El Salvador so I rode on a jeepney later to Lumbia but when it turned to a curve, I took off and shode back to SM where I instead bought my gift to myself and my camera buddy - UV protector and cleaning set. :)
:) Perhaps the adventure should be for tomorrow. :) Thank you Lord for this day!
Day 19: March 27, Sunday - I started the day with the supposed right food for the body. I never knew I would get more blessings of food for my soul. Perhaps for your soul, too. :)
 num num junks and non-junks on a lazy sunday morning
Today of all days must be the most enlightening in this whole 40-day process, because as I wish to discern, angels come to me for aid and He provides answers to my long-yearned questions. After simultaneously reading a wonderful news of repentance, forgiveness, faith and salvation. It opened my eyes to the wonder of God's glory and love for all of us sending us a message that it is never too late for a sinner to change.
 cast your merciful eyes upon us, oh Lord
Lord, I admit I am a sinner and I fully take responsibility for all my actions. I ask for strength to forgive those who have ailed me because only then I know will I be forgiven. I am a mere vessel of your good news though I am not worthy. Let me be clean again so I can be worthy of your love and your salvation. Let those that I touch be touched by you. Let those that you love love you back through my love for them. I beg of you Lord, take my sins and wash them away so that I may live my life as you will it to happen. I love you Lord.
 i am a sinner... heal me Lord
Then, in answer to my longing to visit the Divine Mercy Shrine in El Salvador, Misamis Oriental, I took on a driver-Q&A-direction route to the place even without knowing how to get there. From jeepney rides to motorella rides to aircon bus rides and habal-habal rides, I reached the place in no time.
 aircon buses are a better but more expensive ride
 habal-habal towards the hillside
Good thing I knew of the dress code from my read on the internet, hence, I knew exactly what to wear on this sunny Sunday. So I put on my maxi dress, long sleeved black shirt over it and my strappy sandals to complete the get up.
 read it carefully before you enter
 dressed from head to foot
After walking some hundred steps up, you'd notice the scenery changing from just trees and rough hillside you could see the wonderful view of the Misamis Oriental bay area and the silhouette of neighboring island Camiguin and its Hibok-Hibok Mountain from the distance.
 yes, I took the long route up
 Camiguin Island at a distance
 the second plight up
Once reaching the peak, you could see the magnificent statue standing almost 100 meters tall overlookiing the Northern Mindanao seas as a watch tower to guide the voyagers. It must have been a feat to put it up there in all its grandeur. This is our reminder that the Almighty is above us all to watch over us in all times of our lives.
 the spectacular towering image of the Divine Mercy atop the hill
 climbing up to the Lord
After the short but eventful journey, I seemed exhausted but satiated. Though, not too exausted enough to drop by the Panagatan bay side port for another breath of fresh sea breeze and some shots while the sun is radiating its rays on me. I know, sunscreen, and not to worry, I was using one.
 sea, catch me
Then the invites for Christian's son, Chad, who just turned 3 today  kuya and bunso
 Chad, birthday boy blows his candle the nth time
 we were all watching the same movie
The plus factor was that one movie I could almost relate to (as if) but that perhaps might have just drawn me emotionally into that super cheesy yet heart-breaking series of dialogues from both John Lloyd and Toni. And I thought I was the only one whose eyes were fixed on the tube! Just look at my movie mates!
 yup, my movie mates
Thanks for the wonderfully spent Sunday evening Carpio family! :) Had a blast digging into your dishes tonight plus the free movie (My Amnesia Girl) I had to fix my eyes on for almost two solid hours! :) God bless your family always!
 mga bisita ni Chad :)
 kani ang mga boys... tagay nga pahipi!
Day 20: March 28, Monday - I was already up past 3 am hoping to catch on a team I thought would leave by 4am. Whew! I was too early in fact. The lack of sleep didn't stop me from doing what I had to do before the clock ticks to a stop. Almost completed my updates before the OM group reports and had a great learning session this morning. I had completed the survey results needed and then almost halfway through the TC performance evaluation data collation before I had called it a day. Before that I got to interview one applicant before I wrapped everything after a long 13 hours in the office. Blessed be today as always, dear God. Thank you!
 food for the eyes and soul
Day 21: March 29 Tuesday - As it is already half-way through my 40-day spiritual journey and realizations, a lot of compromising situations in the recent past have made me consider correcting my decisions and align them according to what is right and moral. I had one of the most heart breaking conversations over the phone this morning that made me realize I was going the right way this time. I had to heed their call, their plead, especially since they are close to my heart. No amount of tears shed could cleanse what I've stained in the past months but I know they know I was sincere when I apologized, and my God knows my heart is bleeding each time a day passes and I've not done anything to correct that mistake. Sometimes, the mean does not justify the end or perhaps the end does not justify the means, whichever way is applicable.
 for the first time... Marlon in the house!
So then my consolation is a bucketful of crispy fried chicken shared with angels of some sort!:P LOL! Hurray for the glow-in-the-dark tumbler cover and bucket lid! Thanks guys for listening to a broken record, and for the hearty lunch!
 constant counsels...
 busy SMEs... busy eating...
Day 22: March 30, Wednesday - It's midweek and there are plenty of things to be excited for today! Aside from the gorgeous sunrise which signals a beautiful day and one of the reasons I wake up to my shift early morning, there's a new batch to welcome today!
 morning sun!
It's Pierre's welcoming party and I'm glad to have the OMs and TCs and SMEs and QAs on board to join us! Glad to have Sir Karl and Sir Will too with us. May this small but terrible (in a good way) team prosper with Mommy Mitch's leadership!
 welcome Pierre!
 light moments with Sir Karl
Then it's time to fulfill our promises - awarding 100 pesos to our best-dressed in sports wear last Friday - Jen from Team Spartanburg, for sporting her kimono to work! Hurray Jen! More theme days to come soon! Thank you for the wonderful day Lord!
 congrats sporty Jen!
Day 23: March 31, Thursday - I could not believe but it's almost my time to do the MOD for the first time!!! That's tomorrow. So before I get too stressed out, especially after our program updates meeting, the guys and I went on a Jollibee spree for lunch.
 Seriously eating huh?
 Ya, smile sad gamay oi
That's after a half shift full of work because we know that when we come back to the office it's another half shift more of labour and love. :P
 my crispy hot and spicy chicken meal
And who eats lunch without dessert? :P I'm binge eating I guess, I don't know why. But thank you Lord for the gastronomic blessings!
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 a remnant of our sinfulness
Day 1: March 9, Wednesday - Today marks the beginning of 40 days of whole-hearted repentance, abstinence, fasting, contrite prayer and generosity in giving alms to the needy... so that each and every day of our lives we practice this the Christ-like way. Blessed Lenten season to all!
Day 2: March 10, Thursday - Second day of the 40-day Lenten Season... a lot of things have happened that made me forever grateful to HIM. Tomorrow, I can send help to my family in Cebu, I can pay my room rent, I can save up for the rainy days, I can even save some more for this summer's rendezvous. New friends & faces to meet, an added to my long list. Oh, what a blessing! Another super challenge to take on at work - but with my swell TQ-NQ Team, nothing is impossible! :) Thanks to them, my work becomes easier but happier and more fulfilling. My prayer today goes out to everyone whose lives I have touched, those who have touched my life, and those who have not been touched by anyone at all. May HE touch us all in differently beautiful ways! Amen.
 the Savemore team
Day 3: March 11, Friday - So you think it's the last day of my work week? You're wrong. Got until Saturday for work, but as usual, today's a hectic one, too. :) Since it's a Friday, time for off-pork meals. Started off with 2 boiled eggs in humba sauce, half rice and chopsuey for breakfast, topped with the biggest fish fillet and garden salad I've ever had in Bigby's which I got to eat in two separate sitting - lunch and mid-snacks! :)  love the greens... the more colorful your plate, the healthier it is! that's my mantra!:)
Yes, if it has to be like that then so be it! :) Love the greens, gets my system to detox faster than I expected, just as much as I needed! :)
 GA (guardian angel) 1 - Levic Catherine
Friday, too, was a day of confessions. I got three guardian angels flapping their pretty little excited wings around (one was quiet enough though) over lunch. Lol!  GA (guardian angel) 2 - Christian
 GA (guardian angel) 3 - Yoradyl
The GA's are in a unanimous decision. The verdict - my mouth is locked, sealed tight. ;-)
But Friday, too, was a nerve-wracking day late in the afternoon when I overheard my seatmate in the traysikad over some quake somewhere. I only found out about it online - Japan hit by earthquake and tsunami all at the same time. It was unbelievable, like we've only seen it in the movies but this time it was happening just a few degrees latitude/longitude from us.  tsunami effects due to quake
It was a tragedy not just for Japan but the whole world. Watching them helplessly struggling for survival atop buildings and elevated edifices and roads seemed unfair. What if we were on their shoes? I replayed the videos over and over because I still couldn't get over the fact that it was so real and so near our own country. God bless their souls and Japan nation.  cars seemed like matchboxes swept by the waves
I was starked with the truth, that to my nervousness my hangers and a pouch fell carelessly out of my window!  ang kawawang bag na hinatag ni kara... nasangit jud sa atop :(ill get you back one day!
Had to stick my head and half of my torso to try and reach them using an umbrella and improvised hook of hangers. :S Silly, yeah, but real. I seriusly don't ever want that to happen again okay? :(
Kidding aside, yes, these things make us step back for a while and re-think, re-organize our thoughts, think about what really matters most to us. Life is so fleeting, so fast, so temporary. What have we done to make it worth God's giving? Time to pause and reflect.  reflect with Him
Thank you, Almighty, for the strength You give us each day. What will we be without our shepherd?
Day 4: March 12, Saturday - My first work day on a weekend. Never thought it would be busy but yes, it was. MOD was already polling for post shift overtimes, as early as 5am. Whew! Meanwhile, I was boggling over CSAT scores of my teams. Had a quick breakfast with the GAs before heading on to a triad session with some of my agents. Figured that yes, we all need to be reminded of our worth and value, so we keep our esteem and confidence, then it ripples to every little act we make, even on the calls we take over the phone. Good job guys! The session was fun and insightful. :) Off to another food-work huddle with my TCs, another brainstorming over gameplans and updates. It's always refreshing to hear from such competent and hardworking people.
Had to complete some KPIs when my phone rang, and it was the invites from Christop. Had to quickly do the shoot for the teams, plans are already steaming inside my head and Levic's for the board! LOL!
 TQ Spartanburg with TC Maezy Castrence
Then it was past 5PM when I got out and I was headed downtown to Loreto's. What a surprisingly cozy and aromatic (good food that tastes and smells fab!) place it was!  love the ambiance of Loreto's
 yes, FLIPsters can dance!
Congratulations Chris and Flip team!
 whatta crowd!
So life leads you to some things you don't expect to experience but when you do, you'll find out its after all worthwhile. Thank you for the opportunities each day, Lord, to find new friends, new acquaintances, new tries, new adventures.
Day 5: March 13, Sunday - One of the many Sundays I will be spending in the city, something I didn't think would be as productive as it ended. Started the day with FB like usual, and some shots early morn - from portraits to skylines.  shoot me
 early morning blues
Did the laundry and general cleaning while I could in the morning and hung my items outside to catch some sun.
Then I hurriedly left for SM for lunch. Took some more shots there before I headed to the city to send money to Cebu.  my fave 99er meal: cream of mushroom soup (with rice meal and iced tea)
Never occurred it would be my first photowalk in Divisoria. The sights on a sunny blue-skied morning on Divisoria streets would leave you breathless and looking for traces of a bustling night cafe during weekend nights.  obelisk in Divisoria street
 Divisoria park
A little exasperated and exhausted after almost an hour of walk but still urged to go back to SM to do some groceries (thank God for Savemore GCs!) before I get ready for for Chatty and Chris' shoots.
 shooting BTS
Again, another unexpected - a gathering of top-of-their-game RC collector and photographers who did some pre-nups for the couple. It was twilight when we wrapped, never knowing how much time was consumed. My greatest consolation was knowing and meeting new friends in the same field of interest, plus getting to test their gadgets. Oh, how I envy them in a good way! :) Thank you, Lord, for the many freebies in life - the extra pay, plus new and old friends, great experiences, the beautiful sunsets, eye for aesthetics, and the people that surround me who nurture my passion and love for life itself! Thank you!
Day 6: March 14, Monday - With only one rest day on a weekend, my first weekday seemed a little too fast for comfort. On a Monday when a lot of things were expected, I had more and more in my hands, they’re always full. I had a list of activities lined up but where set aside for a more intensive time with the boss and my other bosses – my agents. Had a triad confidence-building session with some of my agents needing a boost, followed by a series of interviews for a promotion and the last ones for hiring and recruitment. It’s a busy Monday indeed but the day culminated to a surprise party for Racky, which took my stresses away! :P LOL! Blessed happy birthday Raquel and thanks HR team for inviting me over! :) Who would say no to videoke and food, ayt? :)  surprise birthday gurl!
Day 7: March 15, Tuesday – Expect the worst and hope for the best. True enough, as it began with a series of issues early, morning, the day seemed to have ended just quite right. Morning meetings are never zeroed out, discussing mainly on interventions for customer service improvements. The day ended with our impromptu mini-auditions for the next CX Sing Idol representatives for the OM group. Great talent we have from the team! :) So glad to have supportive people as well. Time for another round of HR interview before doing the groceries for the soiree tomorrow! Blessed day all!
Day 8: March 16, Wednesday - Today we welcomed the latest addition to TQ Team - Aberdeen! After a couple of hours orientation, the team was treated to a short welcome program with the L1 TCs, OMs, QAs, SMEs and other officers on the floor. The look on their faces while they were served with goodies was truly amazing! Let's just hope they sustain the vigor. :)  Aberdeen!
After a while, there's Columbia deliberation followed by some AI and other deliverables. Whew! What a blessed busy day it was today! Thanks be to God! :)
Day 9: March 17, Thursday – My anticipation for the day-end activities was somewhat thwarted considering the load I had taken today. The whole morning was directed towards managing the queue as MOD2. Thanks to Sir Toto for breezing it through. My only consolation was having lunch with my team and getting to hear their thoughts. Series of interviews for HR in the afternoon drained my energy away that I didn’t have the urge to go out further during the night and just head home early to rest. I’ll see you ABS-CBN Cebu team tomorrow then! :)
Day 10: March 18, Friday – It all boils down to timing and time management. The day had been hectic from the start. From meetings to hearings to emails, everything just seems to need some more squeezing in for room. Thank God, I was able to manage and breeze through it all alive! For sure, today was a day full of surprises and little charms as we fast track to late afternoon when GMA almost interviewed me while I was scurring for a laptop for the Little CX Star candidates. Seeing those kids present themselves makes me want to go back to my childhood. Hmmm... so much for wishful thinking. :P  Little CX Star kids :)
After a long day's work, my only refuge was my photohobby, as I almost walked through the stretch of the new bridge to take photos of the night run. Unfortunately the rain halted me halfway so I could take the longer route - through the park and the cathedral for another photo op.
 wash me up
I ended up walking towards the rotunda to witness my CX friends join in the fun.  CX runners, hurray!
Of course, I play my role and I've seen the ABS staff, too, as added icing on my cake. :) Thanks guys for the fun, for the experience! Thank you Lord for all life's blessings!
Day 11: March 19, Saturday – A visitor client from Singapore invites a day at the nearby (I meant an hour drive) beach resort in Initao - White Beach. So we were up early, and I particularly waited long enough to take some street shots while some of the OMs were shopping for food stuff.  do not undermine old age
The drive wasn't as long as I thought it would be, as we breezed through Panagatan and stopped over for a little sight-seeing.  |
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Langitnong Amahan, Balaang Diyos sa Kalangitan, nagatapok kami karon aron sa pagpamatuod sa mga katungdanan nga gihatag sa katawhan ngadto sa mga opisyales sa Barangay og Sangguniang Kabataan. Nanghinaot kami nga imong giyahan ang mga gitahasan sa paghatag og serbisyo sa ilang tagsa-tagsa ka lumupyo sa barangay og sa paghatag og ayuda sa mga nanginahanglan. Hinaot pa unta nga inubanan sa suporta sa Kagamhanan sa Dakbayan sa Sugbo pinaagi sa halangdong amahan Mayor Michael Rama, magpadayon ang ilang katakos sa pag-alagad sa katawhan, nga sa tanang higayon hunahunaon ang kaayuhan sa kadaghanan og dili ang kaugalingong interes. Langitanong Amahan ibubo ang imong gugma og pangaliya kanamo. Kini among gipangayo pinaagi ni Kristo among Ginoo. Amen. |
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To love unconditionally is not just to see through flaws and imperfections but to see the beauty in and brought about by them, not by tolerance of the inadequacies but by a simple understanding of the truth that the other person can never be like you and can never be perfect. Let love, let live.
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I don't pretend to be somebody I am not. Either you take me for who and what I am or take nothing of me at all. Life is too short to be lived as others want you to live it. So long as your conscience is clear, you get to sleep at night and you're not stepping on others' shoes, there's nothing to worry about. Only HE can judge you and me. |
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Borrowed: the air we breathe, the life we live, the love we are given, the time we spend, everything... totally everything... so let's be thankful for each moment our heart still beats for it will never last for eternity. Never hinder any man's hopes, dreams and aspirations for they could be their only life source. We are never in a position to stop anyone from dreaming and wanting to achieve them. To each his own. You only cease living when your brain stops functioning, your heart stops beating and your lungs stop breathing. |
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Ang tawong madudahon may posibilidad nga angay dudahan. Ang tinud-anay nga pag-alagad walay sukod ang paghatag og walay ganting gipaabot. Maong sa atong paghinuklog ning kinabuhia angayang hinumduman nato nga kita tawo lamang, apan kung mabuhi ta nga takos og kinasingkasing, wala'y sama ang pagpakabuhi ning kalibutana. "A person who suspects a lot is most likely to be suspected of. Truthful service has no bounds and never expects rewards. Hence, as we contemplate on life it's apt for us to remember that we are merely human, but if we live with all our hearts and capacities, there's nothing like living life on this Earth." |
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One of the most recent encounters I've had in the office entails the deliberation of one of my employees' termination from work. This is due to the fact that there had been client escalations pertaining to her professionalism and work ethics which resulted to mistrust on the client's side. I am a graduate of Psychology and I used to work in a company where my duties included but did not limit to hiring and recruiting people from various walks of life for posts ranging from janitorial services, working student posts to office clerks and clinical instructors. I gave them jobs in that sort of way and helped them out with their needs indirectly. So when I started out in the management post just about a year ago, I wasn't comfortable having to deliberate the fate of my subordinate's employment life in the company. However, that was one of the necessary things to do - having to use fair and wise judgment on things, whether it means having to remove the employee from the company even after due process has been made and when all else has been exhausted for that employee to defend himself or herself, or to keep that employee and ensure that no undesired behavior will be encountered in the future. As managers and as leaders there are distinctions to what we can do and even limitations on our decisions no matter whose standpoint we are to follow. It is just appropriate for one to make use of the endowed faculties to create the most sound decisions with rectified actions. |
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2010. This is the year when endings find their new beginnings and when people from the past resurface to form part of your now. I find it hard to believe but one after the other they slowly popped up like mushrooms in my garden, only for me to devour and savor for a while - there for a short moment to be enjoyed with because you missed them so much you can't get enough of them but never mine for the taking. They give you emotions you've not felt since gradeschool or highschool. They leave you hanging like a primate on a tree, besotted and light, unweary of the heavy fall if my hands, feet and tail won't be able to clasp a branch of a tree for support of dear life. They turn your world upside down and make the wrong go right. They make you smile like there will be none left in the world because you might run out any time. From ear to ear you stretch those warm gentle lips and beam your brightest happy face. You are once again up in the air, floating like clouds in the warm blue skies, suspended mid air like happy giggles from afar. And then they leave you breathless when you are about to plummet down to Earth because you have just awaken from a great deep sleep fantasy. They were after all just for that moment and they leave only footprints in your heart, either with a scar or a tattoo, whether permanent or otherwise. Like a paved road ready for the breaking in of your new ride, they were laid out for the greater memory of it and the fun of driving life through but there was in the end a detour to that journey, and you're back to that corner from where you started. What's just amazing is that you will never know what to expect in the twists and turns of fate. That same fate that made the first one regret not having said anything to conclude the then denouement of what could have been the love of both their lifetime - for they were so good together, they just let time and chance slip away. That same fate that led two souls together in a conivance at the wrong time and maturity. That same fate that makes one failure become another opportunity to be happy and become stronger. That same fate that makes hearts ponder on the "what ifs" of life. And that same fate that brought you to me, brought me to you, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter what people think and judge us for, no matter the distance and space, no matter the differences and growing apart. That's just my first quarter of 2010 - a whirlpool of life's ups and downs, of love's lost and found, of fate's bitter ends and sweet beginnings, of closures and kickoffs. So, what's in store for me this second quarter? I beg you, Fate, surprise and amuse me! |
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July 7, 2010 Cebu City Hall Social Hall “Tul-iron ang hiwi, nindoton ang bati, limpyohan ang hugaw, wagtangon ang baho, hapsayon ang gubot.”
As he begins his term as Mayor of the Queen City of the South – Cebu, Mayor Michael Lopez Rama held several sessions with the employees of the Cebu City Hall starting Monday of this week, July 5, 2010. Today, on his last day of holding the orientation with the different departments of the City Government participated by almost all employees from the rank and file to the department heads and into the fourth day of his mayorship, Rama stressed out the importance of not only formulating and planning but executing well-balanced governance in the city with the empowerment of the people and the community as the first hand accountability owners of the city’s growth and progress. Being surrounded by a full-packed session with employees ranging from the early twenties to late fifties he considers himself as the Father of the City Hall family and yet he still finds time to jest about the presence of some elderly employees beyond his own age thus eliciting a hearty laugh from the crowd. He emphasized the importance of conducting the assemblies so as to allow the city government employees to have an opportunity to make queries and be informed about the new administration’s thrust in governance such that they may not have any qualms, hesitations, neither complains in the event the Human Resource office would have to impose its rules and policies strictly for the offenders. He stressed his abhorrence towards any act of corruption and public mistrust by reiterating several times in vernacular, “Di man ko gusto mukuyog og bakakon.” MLR’s Vision includes Cebu City becoming a sustainable community: 1. That will alow its constituency to help manage the resources of a growing city 2. Guarantees healthier well-being 3. Provide economic productivity 4. With dynamic, active and performing people 5. With a City Hall at your doorstep
To bring back the hope of the youth and children to TRUST Government thru: Quick Quality Service Transparency Accountability! PLATFORM:Social Services Environment Education Development Business Infrastructure Governance 3 P’s: Public Affair, People, Place With the Inverted Pyramid in mind and the slogan “Usa Ta, Uban Ta, Kuyog Ta” Shepherding, Servanthood, Stewardship, Overseer, Partnership “Kung wala’y mangawat, daghang mabuhat, daghang madawat.” – This is his answer to the impending corruption that is quite evident in the building and in the system of governance, quite not isolated only to the city but also a widespread throughout the country. Belinda Navascues, the Secretary to the Mayor and Human Resource Head – emphasized on putting the right person for the right job, ensuring that the new policies will be in place and that only quality trustful service will be duly provided
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Sa kabila nang paglipas ng panahon may mga pangyayari pa rin pala sa buhay nang isang tao na hindi niya makakalimutan kahit humigit-kumulang isang dekada na ang nakaraan at marami nang mga pinagdaanang kalungkutan at kaligayahan sa mundo. May mga naudlot na pagsasamahang saka pa maitutuwid ang mga pagkakamali o mahilom ang sugat o di kaya'y magkaroon ng sinasabing pagkakasara ng mga naiwang bukas na katayuan sa pagkakaugnay ng dalawang kaluluwang batid lamang ang pagkakaibigan at pag-ibigang dalisay at wagas na hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang pagkakataon ay hinahangad pa ring mabigyan nang katuturan ang mga pangakong nabigo ng tadhana.
Sabi ng kaluluwang ligaw, bumabagabag pa rin sa saloobin niya ang mga pagkukulang niya sa nakaraan datapwat wala namang dapat punuan ang kung anumang kamaliang naganap maliban nalang sa hindi paghatid man lang nang pasintabi sa paglahong biglang di malaman kung ano ang kadahilanan. Kalaunan ay inihayag din ang tunay na nararamdaman sapagkat hindi na kayang lunukin lahat ang pasan niyang pahirap sa kaibuturan ng kanyang puso. Hindi pa pala naglaho ang taglay na pagmamalasakit at pag-irog na sa pagdaan ng panahon ay lalo lamang napunan ng bugso ng pag-asang saka-sakaling magtagpo muli ang landas nilang dalawa. At kung sakaling ganun na nga at magtagpo, ano naman ang maaring kahihinatnan nilang dalawa na kung tutuusin ay maraming pagkakasikotsikot sa kani-kanilang mga buhay. Walang maaring mangyari sa pagtatagpong kahit mga puso ma'y gustuhin ay hindi naman nararapat at hindi dapat mabigyan ng kulay. Walang saysay. Walang pwedeng mapaghugutan nang anuman. Walang simula ni katapusan. Pero kung mayroon man, mas nararapat lang na wakasan. Hindi pa batid ng dalawang kaluluwa ang pagtatapos ng salaysay na maaring kathang-isip lamang o maaring makatotohanan. Pero kung tutuusin, kahit na ang mga puso'y hindi na bukas sa mga palaisipang magdudulot lang ng mas nakakalalang sitwasyon hindi pa natin batid kung ang puso't isipan ay nasa iisang panig ng kuwento. Maaari bang maitadhanang magkita muli ang dalawang kaluluwang sabik sa pagtatapos ng mala-nobelang salaysay ng kanilang dating pag-iibigan? Maaari bang mabago pa ang ihip ng hangin sa oras na magkaharap? O, mas ikakalayo ng agwat nang kanilang pagkakakilanlan sa kanilang muling pagtatagpo? Tanging si Amang Panahon lamang ang makapagsasabi. |
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"One thing to remember when falling in love: wear your heart out on your sleeves but always put your shield on it. So if cupid's arrows hit you, it won't bleed that much to hurt forever." This may be factual or not but at some point in our lives when we seem to have given everything we got for love's sake and we end up empty-handed, that's when the shields go up and a wall - tall, hard and thick as China's great one, we would no longer want that emotion to permeate the heart. It is when we become cold and unyielding, not trusting and not wanting to love again for fear of falling, giving it all and then failing over again. Many of us have gone to that threshold several times we lash ourselves at the back in lieu of seeing the hard core truth about a love that we no longer have in our hearts to hold. Just because in truth there are things we have no control over - our partner's feelings for us, which may have just died down along the line. We wake up one day pondering, are we all too exhausted to have little love left in our heart for ourselves? Hopefully not. But like I said, love can never run out - it just keeps on flowing like a mountain spring, for as long as the source still exists. That source is you - your inner self which allows you to thrive in the most unlikely places and scenario, which lets you bounce back after a great depression and which sets the pace in your way of living life each day. You only need to own it up - all your actions and plans in life, all your decisions that make you who you are, whether it failed or succeeded - even in the face of love. Now in the midst of the turmoil your heart is facing you should know when and how to let your mind supercede. This way you have no regrets about not having done anything at all to lessen the impact of a loss. In the end, whether you say you are a "heart-over-mind" type you know your brain would always come up with better solutions for coping up and getting back on your feet. The only challenge is knowing when and how to accept that circumstance which you cannot change and then start moving on from there. Taking it little by little each day and one meager but sure step at a time will make things a little better to accept. Take it from there and let the good vibes flow in. Surely, you will be happy to love again. |
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I came across my twenty-seventh year on Earth as did so many others in their probably mid-thirties to forties, yet my journey seemed to have turned around the next block in a very hasty manner. I was dumbfounded and stunned when I heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. It left me speechless and numb for a while. Sometimes when you thought things that are there for you in your “now” would actually last forever. There are times when you wake up in the middle of the night only to find out that the things that matter to you most may not have mattered to others you care for so much you would give your whole life to. Was it Barry Manilow’s having the right love at the wrong time? Or was it the right love with the wrong one? Or was it the wrong love at the wrong time? Whichever case is true for this, some things just can’t seem to last for so long as we wanted it to. Some things just come to an end, whether it’s a bitter or sweet one. Come to think of it, almost all relationships turn sour before it closes the chapter, so where’s the sweetness in that? I guess it comes after a careful decision to accept the undeniable fact that can no longer be changed and moving on from there, knowing when and how to give your self to another person if you intend to again with a more guarded perspective, not a haphazard decision you make out of a flash of infatuation and so-called rebounding tendencies. That was why it was as if the hardest part has not washed upon me that fateful December morn, when I had the tsunami of complex emotions spinning me around like I was laundry in that machine. He called it quits and I called it an earthquake with a magnitude of 10.7 intensity. Was that even a movie? So I was shaken but I kept my composure as I had to. I had to be told to move on on my own to get me to awaken from the self-denial I’ve long been sulking myself into for a decade. The decay of the so-called union was already obvious between us but not to the many eyes of friends and acquaintances and even family. Let alone the union was null in the first place and the signs I kept asking God for were not coming to me that year, even up to the last minute. I guess it was really time to wake up. Now, more than three months have passed and I have a better understanding of things, a better insight to revel upon, and a brighter colorful future to plan ahead and look forward to. My family and I are back together under the same roof, with the constraints of the past hurts buried under the somewhat unfulfilled longing of our union. My friends from a distant and recent past are reunited with me for quite very good reasons. I am free to travel, to have fun, talk to anyone and just be myself. I am better at understanding things even from a vicarious point of view. I can say I am more patient and thankful now than I ever was. So as the new chapter of my life unfolds all by itself, a new challenge comes and someone pursues an absurd denouement from more than a decade ago and hopes for this to flourish into something more profoundly exquisite than just friendship. Maybe an even deeper and better understanding of what life is to all and both of us, and the freedom of loving someone in an absolute way that there won’t be fear of losing that person to another because both of you know that there are unseen ties that bind you two even when you were separated miles and decades apart, because in the end each of your hearts call upon each other in that solitary, lovingly longing way. Those are just tidbits of the “now” in my life. The rest is yet to come, my dear. |
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Once again I have found the reason for not being myself today. For selfishly having had the opportunity to wreck a life apart seems not naturally me. Or was it the Thanatos lurking inside working as if I have all but selflessness to give to anyone who renders himself incapacitated because of such endearment towards me. I consider it the most horrible sin dishonoring a man by deliberately mutilating the heart of the one person who could have possibly understood the core of my being. Or maybe because it was never meant to be. That one person you believed can be trusted to be yours that you'll never hurt was not exactly who you thought he was to you. I believe that was the case. No matter how I seem to put it there are irrevocable instances in life that seem to obliterate the fact of the existence of love, even if we so believe it exists and whether or not it really exists. Put it in terms of trust and the apparent lack and loss thereof. Once trust is broken it is definitely hard to gain it back. But the reaction of man towards the situation is somehow what counts. There could either be a positive or negative reaction elicited out of a given stimuli. It is only then a matter of choice. I guess the difference between man and animal is our capacity to react to certain situations in a more rational distinctively human way. We think first before we act. We keep our cool. We don't dive into our instincts and easily pick a fight. We try to segregate the pros and cons, the negatives and positives of our succeeding actions, even our next thought processes after a fact. We try to think of another person as if we were in their shoes. However, in reality, only a few of us humans practice this. Sometimes we do not seem to bother thinking first for as long as we exercise our freedom of expression. We let our tongue do the lashing. We want instant ultimate response given whether for revenge or for the sake of having something to say or something done. So then at times we let our responses be as unguarded and uncensored as possible just because we wanted to be able to let ourselves and egg out that anticipated reaction to a cause. However it is we respond somehow shows what and who we are as a person. Whether we act calmly and try to process the situation first in our heads like as if we were not affected the first instance and then react when all the emotions have subsided and be a more rational being when we do so, or do the other way. Little do we know that when we have become impulsive and have reacted instantaneously we could have already stepped on someone's persona and ego. If we flare up like we normally do, we only intensify the commotion and add fuel to the fire. It only adds up to the negative emotions. Too bad not every one of us has that control over our own selves, our own emotions. And when we come to realize that damage has been done, it's already over, irreparable, irrevocable. |
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