I don’t know why it hurts so much. It felt like a thousand knives stabbed into my chest leaving my heart bleeding, my soul deeply aching. The words I let out of my mouth seemed to come from my rationality that my heart was left speechless, tongue-tied, having no chance to ventilate what it feels inside.

I am a prisoner of my own doing and there’s no pardon for me. Escapades have long gone. My chance for freedom and liberation I have taken for granted. My rendezvous with you has ceased. My happiness abruptly ended. My world wildly shattered into pieces. My life condemned into the eternal flame of regret and misfortune, of loneliness and solitude, of despair and doom. All because I have let you go.

Why would a poor soul like mine choose to forgo daylight when everything there seems right? Why should I pursue hell when heaven awaits me with you at its portals patiently hoping for my return? Why must I choose to forsake my own happiness for someone else’s good? Why must I, pray tell?

I have longed for the moment you came into my life. You turned things around in ways I could never have expected. You colored my world with hues I could never have imagined. You truly touched me in countless ways that my soul forever searches for your soul and longs to be with you.

Yet I have turned you down and hurt you. I chose to do so to inflict you no more pain. If we must go on, I might only hurt you more. Such I can no longer bear!

There’s much madness in falling in love with you. But such madness I would have gladly taken for the sake of being with you. Should I be the scorn of society I would gladly take the risk. Just as long as I’m yours and so shall it be.

But my soul ever determined to find its meaning seeks liberation from anything that’s lingering. But please, I seek no liberation from your love! For in my heart is etched the memory of your face, the sweetness of your tongue, the warmth of your loving embrace. Everything in you and with you seems perfect, seems right. Should I forgo of it, I’d still seek for it. And I know I shall forever be in search of your love, the one that made me feel cherished and truly special, the one that made me altogether human and divine.