i wonder how i may be able to get through this. sometimes life almost discourages me. is it because i have been dying to get a life? or that life has been dying to get away from me. hahaha... that would be silly! but wait, come to think of it, that can be possible right? i mean, who knows, life must have been pretty tired of me by now. for twenty-three long years none has been done to put my skills and capabilities to optimum use. at least not all has been done i guess.

im like a dormant volcano waiting for the right magnitude of heat to build up inside of me before ifully erupt. but where is that heat? was heat lost from me equivalent to heat gained by others? how so? why so? has the momentum gone?

the clock ticks and tocks and here i am lost in my thoughts. never in the tiniest cell of my brain had this thought come across. never, but now.

i feel like am a corpse trapped in a pseudo-alive body of another persona. another being that i cannot call my own. a mask different from my true self. a mask i can barely recognize. a mask put up to please everyone else but me. a mask i would surely love to give up. soon. very soon.