April 2, 2012 Monday 6:44 PM
Almost five months have passed since I last wrote to you (my big white book) and my mind since then had gone astray and then back. One thing I was certain then that I am still certain now is that there is never any going back to the past - that which is closed and locked forever in the deep abyss of my complicated life.
I missed writing as much as my hand missed making lines out of blank pages and turning them into a treasure cove of good and sometimes regretable memories. My penmanship has long ceased to be readable and I feel it's a shame to see. Still, I try and try as I may I could never explain why nothing beats good old-fashioned diaries. Welcome me back! =)
Today I've learned that not all pretty are good and not all ugly are bad. I've been told and warned that before but I refused to listen. I guess my hardheadedness has its price. At least not as much as not heeding at all.
It's also a day of healing and ensuring old wounds won't scar. I've read a page of this book to him reassuring him ever that my past is never a thing I behold and wish to go back to and that trust is to be earned or gained in due time.
I wish to tell him more of how truly decided I am to be his lifelong partner for as long as he wills it too without being too pathetic at throwing myself on his feet like that. I just simply want to make him happy as he has made me and let him know how just watching him doze off to slumber while his feet twitches ever so often makes me content, full and blessed. He truly is a wonderful being and each day I strive to let him know of it. I am after all I am his biggest fan! =)
So as the dusk takes its throne and we all thank God for a beautiful Monday to add up to our calendars of living moments, I want to thank God for him today - for letting me care for him when he is sick, his throat is sore and aching, his teeth throbbing in pain and when the bed is calling him to sleep.
Sleep now my love. I'll be right by your side always when you wake up.