December 28, 2005
Time:9 pm (i think)
Place: CR

Dear Lord,

I write to you becoz I want to let you know how thankful I am that I have reached this day. You know very well why and why not. I just wanna ask for your mercy Lord and for all the wrong I've done and that I am ready to take the punishments.

Kabaw man siguro ka whom I live my life for second to you.  And even if this person does not know or feel it, even my pain, I still persevere, Lord, becoz I have hope. I may think that I cannot live without him although I can, but becoz of his love that I cannot afford to lose, I hang on each day and hold on to our commitment to love each other despite each other's  frailty.

I beg your mercy,  O, Lord, for being unworthy of Your Love, much more his love. But I beg of you, Lord, please set us free from all emotional burden on this earth and let us love freely. Allow me to love him for what he is. Allow and help me to be strong in our trials and please also make him strong.  But most importantly, help us to love one another truly, freely and in all honesty should we be together for the rest of our lives.

If not, Lord, then I only pray for one thing- his happiness and his love- that he be loved by someone who deserves him more than I do and who can truly make him happy during this lifetime.

Thank you, Lord. 

*This was written almost a year ago when my marriage was in turmoil. Funny how in my solitude within the comforts of our restroom I was able to write a prayer, one that was not mainly for myself but mostly for my husband whom I love so much.

It is true that humans do call on to God in times of remorse, and almost always seem to forget thanking Him during times of abundance. But our lowest times remind us that there is another being greater than ourselves, keep us grounded to earth, and make us look back to what we have done in our lives to deserve such circumstance. We may not be perfect though  we seek perfection, we may not be absolutely happy though we seek  happiness,  but in the least, we are being perfected and we are attaining happiness in many different ways.

For almost two years of being married to that one man I was most certain I'd fight for seven years ago and whom I am certain til now that I'd fight for til I die, I have been enriched with the joys of being loved, the pain of being hurt, the loneliness of solitude, the angst of deceit, the pleasures of success, the frustrations of defeat, the wonderful feeling of being loved and of loving. 

Nothing in this world is as perpetual as the sun, yet even the sun might cease to exist after eons of existence. But one thing is for sure, life will never be totally  lived if you have not loved and been  loved in your lifeime. I'm just glad I've had my fair share.