Lately I've noticed that ranting is taking up too much of my time. I suspect other people probably feel the same way, so to save all of us a little time and energy I've decided to maintain this page of reusable rants. The defining goal of this page is to collect general purpose rant templates that can be reused in emails, committee meetings, or blogs so that other people can save time having to think them up. Of course, these aren't proper rants either, they are more like building blocks to make creating a proper rant easier. All rants posted here are absolutely and 100% free and can be used without reference to me or any of the other contributors. That's right, its a page that contains software rants that cost nothing (as opposed to a series of rants about free software). This space is not governed by my usual blogging rules and I'll add to it any good rants posted in the comments section. If you post one, however, understand that your content is now free for people to use without citation. To further clarify: Plagiarism is possible, profanity is pardoned, prurient content is preferred, and pontification is perfectly permissible (patricide, however, is still prohibited).

Without further ado... THE RANTS:

Code

• Yummy, more crapilicious code.
• This code isn't that bad. They got all the letters right, they just put them in the wrong places.
• My six-month-old daughter writes better code than this in her mashed potatoes.
• (This code)--
• This code looks like it was written by a politician, it never does what it says it will and no matter how long you wait it won't get anything done.
• The really great thing about this code is that now that I've quit I'll never have to look at it again.
• This can't have been written by an idiot since only a genius could have written code that is this completely fucked up.
• Will whoever wrote this please write "I will not cut and paste" on the blackboard five hundred times.
• This code is perfect; not a single line works.
• I just got a nasty letter from a bunch of bugs complaining about having to be associated with such awful code.
• I can feel myself getting dumber just looking at this.
• That "giant sucking sound" everyone keeps talking about... It's our code.
• I was going to fix the code, but then I realized that fixing the programmer was a better long-term solution.

Bug reports

• Where do I file a bug report on this bug report?
• Great, now I know exactly what version, operating system, and day the problem occurred on. How about telling me what the problem IS too.
• Let's file this bug report under, "I'm an idiot please fire me."
• It's clear from this report that English is not your first language. In fact it isn't one of your languages at all.
• It appears that this bug report was filed tomorrow, now that's what I call efficiency.
• How can you type so much and explain so little?
• The report just says "it doesn't work." Apparently, that applies to the tester too.

I wanted to get this going so I've�just put�in a couple of categories for now, but feel free to suggest categories and provide as many good rants as you wish. I'll add them to the main page from the comments if I like them. I'll also come back and expand this page from time to time, so this is really more like a web page than a blog entry.� If I get no additions I'll be writing a rant about that!