After for almost a year of not seeing and talking with each other, finally Kiko gave me a ring last Friday, March 26, 2010. I was surprise when I heard his voice from the other line. At first, I hesitated not knowing it was Kiko. He was driving when he called and to my surprise, he asked me if we could see each other some other time. He has planned to see me that day (Friday), unfortunately I am attending the TPM-SRC Dinner Dance that night so I told him I can’t. He offered me on Monday but then him texted me informing that he can’t see me that day. We agreed to meet today- Tuesday.

The reason why I agreed to see him, well aside from the fact that we haven’t seen each other for a couple of months, its because I am lonely and missing “Pangit” (my BF who is onboard for 3 months now). “Pangit” and I has lost contact for two weeks because of their satellite onboard is not working. So exchanging daily emails was stopped, no phone calls " in short no communications. And for those two weeks-which I felt as if it likes years of missing him, Kiko suddenly gave me a ring. I agreed immediately with his plan. And now I feel confuse if I am still going to see him or not anymore after “Pangit” texted me this morning (12:00AM) informing me what really happened to their vessel. Honestly, of course I felt relieved and glad to hear from him. My gosh, I miss him so much. And I feel guilty of not telling him I am seeing Kiko today. I haven’t told him about Kiko- an old friend of mine. But if ever I get the chance, I will tell him who Kiko is to me. The reason is that I want our relationship to be open and not to hide anything between us.

It has been two weeks without communications and it’s getting harder every time without hearing anything from him. We’ve lost contact since their phone line on their ship is not working. Emails we’re cut, phone satellite is disconnected, and still no network for his cellphone- not until they reach Cape Town, there’s a possible cell phone site on that place. They are supposed to reach Cape Town Port on the 29^th of March, 18:00hrs, GMT+1. While writing this journal, they’re sailing their way to Cape Town at about 06:04hrs of March 29. Waiting and hoping to hear from him because I’m missing him so bad.

After hearing bad news about their ship since the day we lost contact, it doesn’t stop me from worrying about him. Worst, it was announced last Saturday by Capt. Anil during his safety workshop that the Barents Sea (his ship) had fire last Friday. Initially of course I got shocked. It was another bad news from them and it bothers me so much. So when I heard that news I texted Kambal and Mama Ana informing them what I heard. Mama Ana called me up and told me not too panic and to think positive. She advised me to pray that he (they) will be fine and safe. I don’t know if I have to inform also his family about it. But Mama Ana told me not to, to keep them from worrying also.

“Oh my gosh!” I really can’t wait for them to reach port so we would be able to talk with each other. I just home they’re fine- he’s fine. It’s been days and nights thinking about him and what he’s been. It’s been a sleepless nights for me- is he also thinking about what I’ve been? When can we hear each other again? I’ve been so lonely and it’s really giving me pain now. All I see in my dreams is his face, because I think of him so much. It’s hard, so hard to handle a long distance relationship.