I feel completely lost. I used to have hopes and dreams. And reasons to live. I had so much to look forward to in the future. Now, I have nothing to be excited about. I have a dead end job that I hate. I wanted to be something else but ended up being what I hate most. I force myself to wake up every morning to go to work and once I reach the office, I do my work half-heartedly. What did I waste my 6 years in university for? For a lame job that I don't even like? This is so depressing. Nowadays, my relationship isn't helping me at all. To tell you the truth, after that huge fight, I've become more numb. Right here in my heart. It doesn't beat as fast as it used to. Am I the one who's bored or am I boring him? I don't know. I just wish I had the answers to everything. Everything? Everything is nothing right now.

I secretly still cry at night. He doesn't know and I hope he doesn't read this entry. I don't know how to tell him how I feel. But, I think that I've told him countless times. Even as I am typing this entry, my throat feels sore, my eyes are burning with hot tears that I won't permit to fall, my chest is tight and I sometimes gasp for air. I need oxygen. I need the love and desire that was constantly there. I need HIM.

Or maybe, it's just me being OVER emotional. I think it's the same mistake happening all over again. I know for a fact that, everytime I fall deeply in love with someone, it turns out to be this way. I don't want it to be THIS way! I'm sick and tired of going through it all over again and again and again!!! I feel like walking away, but I can't. And I won't. No, I won't.

I've got to gather all the strength I need. I can't give up now. Or ever. Humph.. What the hell. I might as well take a break. I need that the most. I should enjoy myself with friends and family. I WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT.

Signing off,adlenenelda.