Living on the Border !!! - Welcome to My BPD Journal

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12/12/2007 - Welcome to My BPD Journal

I created this Blog mostly for myself in my daily struggle with a dual diagnosis of Bpd; aka; borderline personality disorder and Crystal Meth Addiction.; I created this page mostly for myself as I currently have no positive outlet for my emotions and Thoughts, But also for others Like me who also suffer from these two debilitating Conditions.
About Who I am .
I am a 32 year old Bisexual Male Living currently In Central America, I was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts To a Single Mother. I was raised by my Mother and very Brave and Caring Grandmother.  I had a difficult but Not terrible Childhood. I was always Shy and Sheltered, Never really fit in with most of the other Kids. My Mother also suffered from a Mental Ilness and was frequently Hospitalized.  My  father was never really around so I was mostly around Women.   My Drug Addictions and Psychological Problems did not really surface until I was about eighteen years old. I have had some Interesting Things happen to me throughout my difficult but Amazing Life,  good and not so good things . I met  Two  Incredible Men who I look up to even Today (You know who you are ), I made many great friends, Began to Travel and moved out On My own, But with anything Good comes the Bad . I started suffering from severe depression and confusion, I was introduced to Drugs and Alcohol and that soon became my escape from Who I really was.. I started with LSD, and Marijuana, along with Beer. As time went along I used harder drugs Like Cocaine , Heroine, and My ultimate Nemesis Crystal Meth..  Tina as it is called in the Gay Community made me feel powerful, confident, and able to put down my guilt and have Sex with Men without being ashamed. Years later This addiction made me lose everything, Housing, Belongings, Sanity, friends, You name It. I also began to severely struggle with My BPD Diagnosis, In and out of Hospitals for attemted suicide and manic behaviours. The Drugs made these feelings and actions worse.. Today I continue to struggle with BPD At it"s worst and although been clean for almost six months now I constantly struggle with the desire to use that Drug to escape from what I am feeling or dealing with. I do not know who I am completely yet, But am working on it and hope this site and help others relate and see some insight into their own Struggles. Finally, I will write daily entries here to update all those interested on what has been happening in my Life and with my struggles,; also I will provide Information relevant to The Illnesses that I deal with in that others may be Helped By me in anyway That I can. So Feel free to browse around and read my various Journal entries and get to know me and also the various self help information posted here.. Good luck and Stay Strong.

R.C