Today Is a pretty good day, I went to see an ultrasound that Leo had today of our baby. We do not know what It is yet and consistent with my constant uncertainty I cannot decide what would make me happier, a boy or Girl.  I really just want a healthy baby.

I still feel under the weather but hopefully will be better before I leave for my vacation on Saturday. I had a good night last night watching the Patriots kick ass and Win again. That always cheers me up, at least temporarily. As for now at this moment I am doing OK, Doing some political blogging here Online before I go to have dinner With Leo. 

I love Leo, She is everything that I could want and more in a girlfriend/Wife but sometimes I wonder is she what I really want ? I mean I have so many different aspects of my personality and Sexuality that it is sometimes hard to decide what I truly want, with Love, Work, or anything really. Makes for a very confusing Life. It is my life and I must deal with it accordingly.

So many feelings all the time, not sure who I am or what I am feeling, Am I up or down? Sad or Happy ? Gay or Straight?  What do I want, where do I want to be or be with ? It never is the same as it is always changing and revising. I wonder if I am really going to know who I am,I do know that I do not want to always have to go outside of myself to seek answers and fill up inside with something because I am not satisfied with Who I am.

As I have said before and will say again, some days are better than others and I know that it will be a constant struggle. I know that the caos and difficult battles that I face will subside eventually. I am confident that I have the strength to overcome all that I face on a daily basis. It comes down to one battle at a time and with that the War can be Won.

Life is not easy for anyone, BPD, Addict or Not, But Life is worth working at . Not only personally but in the hopes that at least we can Touch One Life, that is what I feel it is all about. It is hard, don"t get me wrong but As hard as it is I would not change who I am as It is Who I am and by being who I am I can do many great things that I could not have done if I was someone different, We were Brought into this world as the people we are for a specific reason and I intend to struggle through my complex emotions, struggles, fears and doubts and do my part In helping to leave the world a better place than I found It.

Again that is all For now, Keep battling and If anyone has any comments (if anyone reads this ) please do not hesitate to Write !

Peace and Love

R.C.