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Entry 1 of 338
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12/17/2007
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Round and Round I Go. (Poem)
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Round and round I go in one giant circle, never knowing when It will stop or where I will turn to. The past haunts me and the future evades me but here it is in the present moment that I am and it is this realization I must come to. The Pain is severe and my fight is a large one but in the end I know I will have say that I have won. I am afraid of what I feel but do not know how to face that fear, I am doubtful about why lies ahead but Do not want to be found dead, so I sit wondering what is next, where will this madness take me ? Up or down and back around in this same circle that has no emergency exit, is it me or is it this life that has it in for me, or is it just the process of life"s Amazing Glee? I don"t remember where I was when I realized Life was a game , The more seriously I took things the harder the rules bacame, never easy , never clear and never sure what it is that I fear. I just feel it and cannot make it go away without more fear and doubt coming my way. I know that when I sleep I feel no more pain but when I awake the scars reappear and inflict more destruction as the scars never close up and heal, they are a constant reminder of what I feel. So Around in circles I spin, wondering will I ever win, will I ever escape the madness that sets off inside this soul of mine, this Fight that knocks me down but so far never out. I feel doubt , Pain, Fear, Guilt, and Confusion but never never know if it is Real or just an Illusion . Who Am I to be I constantly ask but when The answers come they soon disapear Fast. I am who I am I guess, whoever that may be, how painful will the future be or will there finally be a True picture of the Real me?? I continue to run around and around looking, searching, Hoping... One day The Circle will come to a halt and I will finally be able To be Still and Not feeling at Fault ! That day will come, I know this to be True and It all will be Because of The love and acceptance of the Very Few. R.C |
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