The rain may fall on me and I may continue to perish but I know deep inside that I have a purpose and goal in Life, I know that this fight will not be easy but I must continue to battle through the storms that arise and search for that Idenity I spoke of yesterday, I must try to put the pity aside and Fight for what should be mine. I know with BPD there is a sense of entitlement, always wanting the world to do everything for you, some may view this as a selfish, unreasonable trait but I know that Borderlines do not mean to behave in this way or any other, It is similar to Autism is many ways as The Borderline Personality does not know how to act normal, how to wait, Try, and take steps.. They are emotionally disregulated just like the Austistic Child. They want it all and cannot understand why they cannot have all that they desire, they see themselves as Good, Caring people who deserve the best but are unable to obtain It through work and effort due to several factors.. Social Anxiety, Fear of failure, Impatience, fearing being abandoned, and the constant Rage that Ignites in them and can come out at any moment. I cannot speak for every Borderline but for me It is difficult to follow through with anything, I assume I will fail so give up early before I am rejected, I wish and dream of all that I want but do not believe that good things can happen to me, I feel that I have to settle for whatever I have, and feel jealous when I see others enjoying things that I cannot go after.  I push and pull people away at the same time, I want the Milkshake but Icecream cone and cannot make a clear cut choice.. I am as mixed up as they come but I try, I try very hard.. I have a good heart.. But there comes a point when you either Make it or Don"t..There comes a point in one"s life where they say, "I am tired of always waiting, trying.. what is the use " , I am fearful my heart and soul is getting weak and I am approaching the End of my Rope..Sure there is hope and desire within me, I am a fighter, But at the same time I am tired and just want an easier, Softer way. I want My Life but feel like I am imprisoned in my own body, No key, No appeal, No exit in Site...

Another Negative post but if you know me or someone like me you know that The Borderline lives in a box of dead flowers with a few Beautiful Roses mixed In..It is a matter of shifting through the Chaos to find the Rose, the Flower that may help you to escape and be The Light.

R.C