Living on the Border !!! - Thoughts About God in My Life- JournalHome.com

Living on the Border !!! - Thoughts About God in My Life- JournalHome.com Living on the Border !!!

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12/20/2007 - Thoughts About God in My Life

I struggle with many issues and question God"s Existence in My life and on this earth at Times, But have to realize that I should not be here on earth. That God has seen me through a lot in Life. I have survived Homelessness, Drug Addiction and overdoses from such, Multiple Suicide attempts and more, and yet the Lord has seen me through it all.

Life is not always easy and never perfect but If I am alive then I have a chance to do something great and My Lord has given me another opportunity to Live today and make it through the Storm. I know that many do not believe in Christ and God but I have to as It is all that I have, and I know that he is with me and I have a purpose in this Life and world. God does not always give us what we want but always what we need and if we are faithful to Him and ourselves then everything will be OK. I have to believe that because if I don"t then I am doomed for sure.

I still have my faults but look at how I was before, Not wanting to get off drugs, Not caring about anyone and far more but now Although I have an intense amount of self hate, I do not hate or blame anyone else for my problems, I do not want to abuse substances anymore although at times I do. I have come a long way and have some work to do but Know that the Lord is by my side. I have a good heart and I know that god is in It, he makes me question when my heart is not pure and rewards me whn my heart is, he understands me even the parts that the rest of the world Views as evil and Sick, he brings angels into my life and lights the way.

So Today I say Lord, please Light my path once again and have those in my Life touch me and help me, and help me to help them and others alike, Show me your will for my life and grant me the power to carry It out. Bless me Father in everyway a person can be blessed and cared for. I trust in you even when I am a mess in everyway and have little Hope, I put my Hope in you and that you may see me through.

I know that Life is not has never been nor will ever be easy but I know that I have Jesus within me and he will make it easier and help me to help myself, Someday and somehow I know that things will be OK and I will channel my Pain into the ability to help others Fight through their own personal struggles.

What does God mean to Me ? No words could explain as How could someone who has endured so much, as I have. Still have at least a little bit left in them to carry on if their was not a greater force behind Them ? How could someone who has so much Pity for themselves and in so much pain, Want to help others so Much? Only with the Love of the Lord Inside of them !