Just like a glass that has a leak or hole in it , I have one in my emotional makeup as I cannot keep feelings for very long.. When something good happens or I have a pleasureable event such as the Patriots winning yesterday and go to the Super Bowl or the  News today that I will be a father of a Boy... It is great in the present moment but soon I return to the hell that consumes me.. It is like pouring water in a glass and you start to drink it but it leaks out as you try to sip it up... For me everything is truly in the moment as the moment does not last and it is very difficult to retain Good feelings or recall memorable events.  I am not sure if it is my Pysch illnesses getting worse or the fact that all that Meth I used to consume did in fact do some damage as it is well known that Meth overloads the Dopamine receptors in the brain and eventually it is difficult to feel pleasure from the things that you once did. I have a great time watching the game or doing anything else that I enjoy but it fades quicker than I can count to three... The omly thing to has some permanance to it is the battle to manage the confusing emotions that flow through me on a daily basis.

R.C.