1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

With this trait The way that it relates to me and my life is that I will do anything to avoid someone leaving me, even for five minutes as when they are not physically with me then I feel that they have left me because I am bad or did something wrong.. I will make suicidal gestures and go into a crying spell.. doing whatever I have to so that they will stay.. as It always feels like I will be abandoned eventually.
2) a pattern of unstable & intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Ahh, relationship madness ! I jump into relationships so fast.. once I see that someone has shown interest in me I leap like a frog onto a lilly pad and fall madly in love instantanously , Clinging to the person and fearing that they will leave me, so I ask them to marry me or some other form of long term commitment and then When things get difficult I want to leave so I go back and forth between.. I am leaving, no I am staying, I need you.. then I am leaving again as soon as something goes wrong.. I fall fast and then retreat faster.. vicous cycle.. I get bored and it feels (after three to six months) like the passion is gone and then I seek something new and exciting.. The newness I always crave and that is what makes me unstable in romantic relationships as I cannot be alone but feel trapped by the closeness at the same time. This is probabally the area that causes the most problems for me as I cannot tolerate people... although I need them... If something does not go my way then I flip flop from the loving lover, friend to the opposite... Black and White thinking patterns.  All good or All bad.  The person is great and then once they dissapoint then they are the enemy... Of course I do not mean to do this but it is automatic thinking it seems.

3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
 Never knowing if I am Gay, straight. Bi.. wanting to be a Doctor, lawyer or quarterback... Not knowing how I feel, who I am or what I want... constant flip flopping and going up and down and all around on issues... Thinking that I am bad and hating myself... Trying to find stability but feeling too empty to maintain. The lack of knowing myself causes lots of other problems with me... Negative self talk, image of who I am and more.
4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
 

This should be my middle name... Impulsivity   .. I have very bad self control and this has caused many addictions to form in my life... I am a drug addict, alcoholic, and pretty much am impulisve in many ways.. I can get addicted to anything and have an addictive personality for sure. I act out impulsivly mostly when I am feeling empty and bad and need to escape those feelings.. When things get hard or I feel "trapped" then I reach for a knife to cut myself, a drug, drink, etc... This makes Recovery a very hard thing to achieve.

5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

The pressures of life and stressful situations make the recurrent suicidal thoughts and acting out a major problem for me... I half heartedly make gestures towards suicide and feel like I want to die when things are hard.. The feeling that I am about to explode makes this even more of a problem and causes me to cut and do other self damaging actions... Although deep down I do not want to die I always feel like it is the only option to escape my madness and when I have an episode of panic or despair I feel even more this way.. almost uncontrollably.

6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

The ups and downs that come several times throughout a day drives me nuts.. Not knowing what I feel at any given moment and going from 0 to 60 in two seconds and right back to zero again even faster makes me feel all the more unstable... Getting irritable when people talk to me when I am in one of my moods, sensitivity to critisism and yelling, and the roller coaster of my up and down emotions and moods affect every other symptom that I go through... Feels like I am a bouncing ball and never knowing where I will land next.

7) chronic feelings of emptiness
The intense feelings of being lost and empty also haunt me... Feeling like I am nothing and am nowhere.. Like I feel nothing and everything at the same time.. Like I have a hollow soul that cannot contain feelinsg or emotions.. Just sitting there in nothingness leaves me trying to use any means available to fill taht emptiness.. Drugs, sex, etc...

8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

The sudden rage when I feel all of this Chaos and mayhem , blowing up when I do not get my way.. not beinga ble to hear No or rejection.. being angry at myself and the world all at the same time ... Not being able to control my temper and emotions causes me to explode in rage.. This coming from not having the skills to deal with feelings and problems .. So I blow up in rageful anger... The feelings inside cause me to explode and act out... Similar to an Autistic child not being able to ask for what he or she wants so I ask in inappropriate ways.. only way I feel I can.. it is like I am saying  "Save me " when I ahve these outbursts.
9) transient, stress related paranoia or severe dissociative symptoms

Always thinking that people are out to get me or have it in for me... Worry and stress consumes me ona  daily basis... Obsessive thinking and actions... Just laying there feeling disconnected from the world and everyone around me... I sometimes feel like I do not exist in my own body when I am going through this...

These are how the symptoms of Borderline affect me and How I feel on a pretty constant basis.. I of course have other symptoms but these main criteria of BPD are what I suffer from most often and this is me in a nutshell.. Although just a brief account of my feelings on each Criterion... Gives you an Idea of my World.