Living on the Border !!!
About Me
Recent Posts
- Back again - same shit though
- My Hopeless decent into old ways
- The struggle within
- Always Seeking
- Help ( poem )
Menu
Calendar
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | |
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |||
Friends
Links
- My Wall
- bpdcentral
- Nimh BPD Info
- kci meth recovery community
- Another great and informative BPD site
- Meth recovery site
- My Other BPD site
Entry 1 of 338
Last Page | Next Page
1/26/2008
-
Pre Panic Entry
|
Today I feel OK I guess.. pretty anxious though.. I get so upset and razzled when people tell me NO, or any type of rejection of harsh worsd come my way.. It is devastating and makes me so down and depressed. Such as last night when Leo said No about something small and trivial.. I just instantly got depressed and everything positive that I was feeling changed..just like that. I cannot deal with the boredom, negativity, and lack of meaning inside of me.. I want to just scream.. Doing writing about other things outside of myself helps and that is what I have been doing as I fight for things I believe in and find wrong with the world.. I feel real passion about many things but my disorder often knocks me down and it is difficult to dust myself off and try yet again...I need help so bad.. I need a hospital I feel but I am trying to cope.. Coping sober is something new to me and honestly uncomfortable.. but One day at a time.. I take a deep breath and go through it.. It is just one day at a time.. With anything but with BPD it is often one second at a time as at any moment the walsl can come closing in and everything can crash down..I have been doing Lots of political writing as I mentioned and feel worn down, no energy and feel a panic attack coming on so I am going to call it a day... I want a computer at home,.would make it so much easier to write and not feel sos stressed out .. I hope that can happen soon as writing is my only outlet and treatment I have here.. and when I am not online I feel horrible.. when I come on the computer things are at least managable, I like managable.. I like comfortable.. not a feeling I am used to though. R.C. |
Post A Comment! :: Send to a Friend! |
Share and enjoy
