About Me
Recent Posts
- Struggling with difficult choices
- Update again ...
- Going through it again
- Another update on my life
- Inspiration in the air
Menu
Calendar
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 | |||||
Friends
Links
- My Wall
- bpdcentral
- Nimh BPD Info
- kci meth recovery community
- Another great and informative BPD site
- Meth recovery site
- My Other BPD site
- Free Blog
Entry 1 of 332
Last Page | Next Page
1/30/2008
-
Spiritual account overdrawn
|
The anxiety is severe and the sleep is still difficult to come by, I sit in this world where very few understand and fewer care.I know that there are those taht do care and do undertand and that does make this struggle more able to bear... However the pain remains constant and relief little Where I look for answers but only recieve more questions , Nothing is clear or exact but everything is overwhelming and unbearable.. Who am I and where am I headed I ask myself , what is to be of this life, what will I do to make this planet a better place.. what will I do to make me a better me ?? Who will rescue me or am I to do this all alone? I worry and obsess constantly about things that I cannot control.. I want this but then want that, I worry about my money going into the Bank each month with no reason for such fears.. I worry about losing things and gaining nothing.. I fear, I worry, I feel.. what do I feel ?? Seems I feel a constant stream of nothingness but that empty feeling comes with such a price tag, such heavy baggage.. That it is nearly impossible to carry alone.. The world tells me in not so many words that My feelings and wants are wrong, evil, and I am not right.. But it was God that made me this way so how could that be wrong ?? I search for meaning and acceptance but am denied at every turn, I look for a way out but am constantly confronted with One way signs ... I run this way and duck under obstacles.. Looking for the moment, the opening but not to be found as of yet.. The hope lingers within me as the demons crawl at the door, trying to get in and destroy my efforts.. I will not let them, I promise I will keep moving on and fighting for my Life, my rights, and a way out of this Hell. R.C. |
Post A Comment! :: Send to a Friend! |
Share and enjoy
