Things are difficult right now.. getting medical and psych care is not as easy as I thought.. These things take more time than I have here, I go to the psych clinic tomorrow but have so much going on that I do not know where to start or how long that it will take to get treatment.. Guess I have to start somewhere.. So, I have all these psych issues and of course my Borderline madness in full swing.. Then I have the Meth Monster attacking me at every turn... so close to relapsing and I cannot afford to on several fronts... Plus just found out that my son was born premature a few days ago.. only two and a half pounds.. and sick. I am so upset and scared.. I love my boy so much although have not met him yet and I know how Leo must be feeling now as she lays in the hospital back in Nicaragua... It makes the possibility of relapising for me all the greater... I am impulsive as it is, and now I am sad and distraught as well... I pray that God looks out for Brady... I need him.

R.C.