The Meth demon got me again, I relapsed on Wednesday night after 8 months clean off of that shit. I fought it for many days here in SF but in the end it got me with  it"s grip on me got me and I used and then of course all of the consequences followed, where I went to adult video stores and had addictive hypersexual behaviors which is also another addiction that I have.. I went to the Psych hospital after cutting my arm out of rage and feeling disconnected with reality.. They could not find placement for me as I have burned most of the program bridges from all the other times I went through this pattern.. also then I got asked to leave my friend"s house (who is sober) and that leaves me on the streets again, craving more Meth.. not wanting to do more drugs but needing to Escape this feeling of empiness and pain.. I will only have a week plus here, so If I have to stay on streets I can.. Then there is still the uncertainty of my son who was just born...and is sick.. I am not sure what to do or which way to go.. there is so much help here for psych issues but I have to wait and go through the system which takes more time than a week.. I just need to get out of SF.. I do like it here but it is for sure a toxic atmosphere for me.. It is full of drugs, and that whole pattern which consumes me.. So that is where I am at.. broken, scared, and lonley.. Here we go again I guess..

R.C.