This trip has been OK, I have enjoyed my time here in The states and will try to do so more my last few days here in SF and then in Florida.. of course The pain has showed up with my son dying.. I am having such a  hard time with that.. and will continue to but I will try to think about other things and enjoy my time and then when I return home , Leo and I can mourn together and deal with this as a couple..Losing a child is such a hard thing and I was not prepared for It.. how could someone be ?? It will be a painful time.. I can feel that.  Of course using Meth again has been hard and destructive for me and I am not out of the woods yet, still a few more days left in SF.. I have money problems and Life is hard right now.. I want a laptop.. I in fact feel that I need one but I am powerless to do anything about that.. Being poor is hard for me and my mental health makes all of this that much more difficult.. Wow, I have a lot that I deal with.. No wonder I smoke that bad drug that I do.. Life is hard.. but I try to make the most of it.. I want to give up a lot and feel that there is no way out.. But I have to try..

R.C.