So, this is my last day in SF and I face the challenge of staying clean and sober one more day..because once I leave SF I will not use as this is where the problem and lifestyle connection lies.. But there is today and the desire to pick up is so very great at the moment..My addict mind tells me that it will make me feel better and that this is my last chance to feel this intense sexual exp. But I know that this disease lies to me and wants me dead.. but people who do not have such a severe Crystal addiction have no idea how hard it is to not pick up.. This drug is very tricky and decietful. I am not sure what to do but trying to do the right thing..so close to going forward and being out of the woods but the Meth demon calls me from the corner.I just got out of a meeting and met someone from where I am living outside the U.S. and he gave me some helpful advice and resources to stay sober.. he also gave me his email to talk if I feel shaky and need someone to talk to. Then had lunch with my friend Hal but now am feeling in a bad spot.. Like I want to use and go wild.. Believe me I do not want this.. but sometimes the addict part of my brain is more powerful than the rational side of my brain.. So, here I sit..bored and antsy not sure what to do next.. This is hard to resist..The non Meth addict has no idea.. people think it is a matter of just making the choice not to use.. If only it were that simple..The pain that lives inside of me and the impulsive nature of  my Borderline ways makes it all that more difficult to stay on the right track..

R.C.