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2/27/2008
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Powerlessness of my ways
| I wrote on Saturday the 23rd how I was struggling to stay clean and sober as my time in Sf was coming to a close.. well as you read in my last entry.. That did not happen. I fought it so hard and it still won and I used and the consequences were so very severe and troubling.. for me and so many others as well.. This drug coupled with my BPD really makes my life unmanageable and difficult to deal with.. I am clean today and starting over yet again.. removed myself from that toxic city and all of it"s destructive temptations and the almost certainty that it will end me and my Life if I had no escaped.. This last relapse was so very bad.. the real pain is that my actions make those in my life lives painful and difficult..I do not want to hurt others.. I am impulsive by nature and my BPD contributes to my addictive behaviors but at some point it has to stop.. I have to put and end to it and work a program before it ends me once and for all. R.C. |
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