Living on the Border !!!
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3/2/2008
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Bedtime thoughts
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Feeling anxious tonight as I get ready for bed..Seem to constantly be thinking of using and that is a dangerous place for me to be because I know where my addictions take me. I had a good night, talked a lot with my friend and we had a nice evening..I wanted to sleep all day today and not deal with anything at all as is the norm for me but I did get up and face the day, something that is always a struggle. So, staying in and just talking was nice for me today, That is uncommon for me to just sit and talk and not have to be out somewhere or something. I do not know what to expect when I go home to Central America but hoping for the best. Seeing the grave of Brady my son will be something I am not sure I am prepared to deal with but I guess I will have to. These are the times where I feel in the darkest place.. late at night with only me around to be with my thoughts and feelings.. How do I process all of this mess going through me ? Seperate the good from the bad ? I am not sure, something that puzzles me though.I hope that when I do return there I can cope with everything, the loss of my boy, adjusting to 3rd world living again, working on my personal struggles, as well as managing a relationship and trying to make money online with writing and other creative outlets. It sure is a lot to juggle but for now at this very moment I must deal with my feelings right now and get ready for a relaxing sleep..If that is possible somehow. Why can"t life just be simple and not so confusing, I wish I knew. |
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