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Entry 1 of 338
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3/5/2008
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"No" is not a happy word for me.
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I hate being told No or facing any kind of rejection..I do not understand why people have to shoot me down and reject me, sometimes I am told yes and am so grateful for that but when I hear the word No then it tears me up inside but what can I do?? It is one of those things that I cannot control or maybe I am not meant to. When I hear rejection I crumble and feel like I am bad and that is why I am told No. I guess it is another one of those things I have to accept as being a reality of the world. It is one of those parts of my mental makeup that I have to deal with and figure out what to do with it. Otherwise, today I got up late again and worked on my new laptop before having some lunch and then just laying low for the rest of the day.. Trying to quiet my mind and not go into these psychological breakdowns is a daily task and that along with everything else I am dealing with on a daily basis. Hoping to try doing some self work with Dbt training soon as there are several online resources for that. I realize that my BPD is not going away and will not get better unless I am active in my recovery as that goes for my addiction recovery as well. Writing in this journal has been very helpful and I am sorry that I cannot offer more positive and helpful information to help others with the illness right now, I am struggling to stay afloat myself and deal with my personal struggles but do hope to use my strength to help others one day. |
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