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3/6/2008
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Is this God talking to me ?
As I sit here trying to get tired for sleep I feel my good mood start to dip into the depths of darkness and the sadness about my life creep up on me and it is a place I do not like to be..I have always shared so much of who I am on this blog and now is no different..If I had Meth I would smoke it until the pain went away, So I am glad that I do not. I need to learn how to live life clean and sober although that is terrifying for me. I lost some faith in the lord when my baby boy passed away but as I sit here sad and seemingly hopeless (at this very moment which changes often) I feel god"s presence and love. I know that God has brought me back each time I have lost my way in life, which has been often. There is a glimmer of hope that lives inside of me and It keeps me going, I do not know what it is but I know that It is there and keeps me going when Life kicks my ass and tries to destroy me. As sad as I am I know that I have to put one foot in front of the other and keep plugging away. I have made it this long and BPD, depression, or whatever that stands in my way...I choose to try another day and see what it throws at me.. Who knows maybe one day I will turn the corner and find a way out of the darkness. Until then I will hope for the best and do my best to overcome despite the pain.
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