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Entry 1 of 336
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3/8/2008
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This part of my Life is called Waiting for the Plane.
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I sit here at the Miami airport almost at the halfway point of my 8 hour layover on my way home after a 34 day vacation to the states. I only slept 2 hours last night and I feel it for sure today. I cannot wait to get home and get some sleep, I am looking forward to seeing Leo as well, It has been quite awhile. It is so good to have a laptop, this thing is amazing. I feel good about my trip, yes I did relapse and fell back into that life again but I got out of it before I fell too far down the scale. I could have totally lost everything including my life but I did not and I had a nice visit with my friend in Florida and we had some good talks and connected quite nicely I believe. I do feel sad about leaving as I wish I could stay longer but maybe sometime soon I can return again..I stayed here at the airport because I do not really trust myself in certain places and Miami is like SF in some ways and I am sure I would get in trouble..so it is good that I have the strength to know my weak spots and take that option off the table. So, I am tired and a bit down but I also am hopeful about what is coming up for me in the future although I have no idea what that is. I have a heck of a lot on my plate like grieving the death of my son which will really hit me as soon as I get back I am sure, plus recovering from my BPD and addictions, as well as Living day to day life with issues ranging from making money somehow to family to maintaining my health and home.. Can I do it all and keep what sanity I have left ?? I do not know but I sure am going to try, that is all I can do. I am off to eat now and hopefully the rest of this wait goes by quick and I have a safe flight home.
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