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Entry 1 of 336
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3/10/2008
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BPD and Confusion
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I often get very confused about my life and everything in it, Thinking that I want one thing but then flip flopping and wanting something totally different. I go up and down often and all of this moving all over the place causes me much confusion and causes the chaos in my life to intensify. I would have to say that relationships cause the most confusion for me, being the attention junkie that I am I am always wanting attention from people and especially girls and this causes problems in my relationships and especially so since I jump into romantic affairs and profess my love almost right away and then start to want my freedom and stray..Then I am in a position of “Do I really want this or not ?” Leaving me to wonder if I am in love with the person or the feeling of being with someone and being in love. I do not know if my confusion over my relationship status, sexuality, career and life goals and more are direct results of my Borderline or are part of me, This causes even more complex confusion because my borderline is part of me. The fact is that I cannot make a choice or decision even if my life depended on it, and it sometimes does. I just get stuck and ask myself “Who am I and what the heck do I want ?” There you have it, that is how BPD affects my life in this way.
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