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Entry 1 of 336
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3/12/2008
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Moment to Moment
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One moment I feel hopeful but the next I feel hopeless. I do not know if I am coming or going, Crazy or normal, alive or dead. Things are always very confusing..I get excited and jumpy and then fall into the depths of dark depression. I seek out new exciting relationships and ventures but get attached before I am ready, I get lost in my madness but take on the world“s cares . Who am I seems to always be the theme but the answer to that question evades me at every turn, No matter how I ask it. Waking up each day continues to be a task as I am forced to face a world that has done me very little good, a world that hurts and enslaves me at every turn. I do take comfort in the few people in my life who care enough to do whatever they can to try to make me smile and I am so grateful for them. I only wish the whole world were so kind..I only wish my brain would not betray me and keep me stuck in the black and white narrow mindedness that is my existence . It is what it is and I am who I am. I have seen it all before and survived to this point. One moment I am this and the next I am that..Happiness, sadness, fear and courage all greet me throughout each minute, hour, and day. What will come next? What moment awaits me in the upcoming seconds ?? This is the forever question that awaits..
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