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Entry 1 of 338
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3/13/2008
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Act or React ?
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In my opinion there are two kinds of people in this world, Those who act and those who react. I happen to be the type of person who reacts to the events in the world that affect me. I wait for someone to take action and then I react to whatever that action may be. I am not sure if this is typical of other Borderlines but it is true with me, I know quite a bit about BPD but not everything so I can only speak about how I personally experience the disorder. Reacting to life is like not thinking for oneself and being a follower and not a leader. I do not like to live that way but I am so afraid of rejection that I am always cautious about taking the initiative and this causes me to wait for someone else to act and I will respond to their action or answer their question instead of starting a dialog on my own. When you react to everything in the world and your life you never own anything, nothing belongs to you but you are like an extra in someone“s movie with no part to call your own. You are just standing there as an addition to the scenery of what already exist and watching the world happen around you. People that take action and go for what they want are the people that go places in life but the ones who spend their lives reacting just accept what comes their way and are never in charge of their lives and hence never truly happy or satisfied. People with BPD often feel left out , like they never live up to others expectations, as if they do not exist without someone else to reassure them of who they are which is why In my opinion they spend their lives idolizing another and trying to please everyone else without taking their own happiness into account. I want to be someone who takes action and who starts and finishes things, The type of person who can be on my own and not depend on anyone or anything to determine my self worth. I seek to act and not react, to be comfortable with starting a conversation and not always waiting for someone else to begin the dialog and come up with the topic of discussion. Right now and for as long as I can remember I have been a passenger in this game called Life and although there have been good times and celebrations it is always because someone else took action, someone else did something to make me happy or push me ahead in Life and I reacted to what the action someone else took on my behalf. That is all great but if I am to ever get anywhere then I have to be the person who takes action and makes decisions. |
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