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Entry 1 of 336
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3/14/2008
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Fleeting thoughts and feelings
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Feelings come and go like the fleeting wind. I am up, I am down and then suddenly the circle begins yet again. I feel sad for no reason at all so it seems although I know that inside of me somewhere there are causes to such darkness. I find joy in things that come my way but there is this emptiness that fills me and I search for ways to make it go away but there is none. I feel like I do not belong in this world, I feel like nothing ever fits the strangely shaped hole that site in my soul, I want to be accepted and to feel like I belong, and all of those things but I don“t. I mostly want to accept myself and not need to look outside of me to find that joy and sense of well being but I constantly do. My wife says I am simple and the same all the time but that is because I am what I feel and I always feel simple and the same. Never knowing who I am in what keeps this emptiness around and that search for the perfect way to feel keeps me feeling nothing and everything all at once. I am down but yet I am up if that makes any sense, but I guess the best way to describe it is that I am on the Border of everything all at once and that place is a confusing place to be because you never know what side of the border you are on.
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