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Entry 1 of 336
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3/14/2008
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End of the day Thoughts.
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I actually have access now sitting on my front steps and my thoughts are rambling about as I people watch in what is a prime spot. It is so nice here sometimes watching all the unique and beautiful people pass by, they think I am different and unique as they are always watching me as well. I have been trying to keep up with my emotions but they seem to change so rapidly it is hard to keep track. I am feeling just OK right now but earlier I was feeling quite down, I think that the pain of losing my baby is finally hitting home and then there is the painful psychological Meth withdrawal plus my chronic ups and downs from my BPD . Put those all together and I think anyone would crack and feel down. I am doing my best though. Trying to figure out my finances which causes more stress added on top of all that as well, That is one other thing I have noticed about having BPD, You need to have an easy life and not have too much external stressors as the internal stress and pain is enough as it is. So much that I am thinking about, don't know where to put it. It is not like I have boxes for each emotion and thought, although I sometimes try to do just that. Box it all away so I can try to live my life. Tomorrow there will be more cleaning to do and try to get Internet hooked up at home, so I better get plenty of rest tonight and try not to take on too much.
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