Living on the Border !!! - Wanna Scream- JournalHome.com

Living on the Border !!! - Wanna Scream- JournalHome.com Living on the Border !!!

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3/15/2008 - Wanna Scream

Today I feel very frustrated, angry, upset. Whatever you want to call it, I feel it right now. It is official that the cable company does not have Internet access where my new house is located. They said it is a little more than a block outside of there service area. Leo ( my other half ) does not seem to understand how this affects me, perhaps because she does not seem to think having such things is important. She rolled her eyes when I told her how important this was to me and if I knew that it was not possible before hand then I would not have taken the place, at which she thought I was blaming her. I guess maybe it sounded like that and maybe I was blaming her. This was the first argument that we have had and she just walked off. My feeling is fuck her, I will just get my own place without her. I know that she is a great girl and I should say sorry but I guess my angry BPD behaviors are coming out . It has been quite awhile since I have blown up or acted in such ways.Wow, do I feel so pissed off right now, these are the things about living in a 3rd world country that really get to me , In any U.S. city there would be Internet access anywhere throughout the city but here I guess not. This is on top of feeling so worn out about how my sleeping medication makes me feel the next day, The Seroqeul hangover they call it. Plus all of my all over the place emotions. I just want everything to be OK and not have all of this stress, I can“t handle it. I guess I should go and try to patch things up with her although I feel that I am right and so do not want to make up right now. I want to be alone.