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Entry 1 of 336
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3/20/2008
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The tricks of BPD ( wrote last night after the hope subsided )
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Another thing I have noticed about BPD is that it has you down in the dumps one minute thinking that your life is shit and you cannot do nothing good and the next you are ready to tackle the world yet again and give it another shot. One must be extremely vigilant and attack their illness every single moment so they can keep fighting and trying to be all they can be. This disorder is powerful, it is tricky as well as it tricks you into believing what it tells you. It tells you that you are nothing and you feel that is the truth. I have many moments of clarity and positivity but BPD just shoots down my ship and tells me that nothing I can ever dream of doing is possible and the cynical world we all live in re enforces those feelings. So, what I have learned is you have to always keep in mind that there are your real thoughts and feelings and then there is BPD that is there trying to trick you. Hard to tell the difference but that is the reality of it all. I never know how long my motivation will last but I do know that it will fade at some point.. even as I write this my positivity from my last hopeful post has begun to fade. I know myself and my illness more than I thought I guess. there is no cure for BPD but there are ways to know your illness and learn it“s ways of operating and if you can do that then maybe, you have a chance of getting better, I sure hope that is the case as being on the Border is not fun.
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