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Entry 1 of 336
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3/24/2008
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Thoughts on God, being lost, and miracle comebacks
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Lost in my problems and fears, I obsess over what I feel I cannot have or must not lose.
I do not know how to overcome these obsessions or fears nor can I quiet my speeding mind,
I must only move forward the best way that I know how, what way that is I do not know.
I am someone who has had much faith in my God for many years but of late that faith has
left me like a storm drifting out to sea, I have felt abandoned by a lord that stood with me through years of pain and suffering but today I see that my only chance of overcoming the obstacles that
have stood in front of me for so very long is to restore that faith and belief in my creator. I cannot
understand the reasons for the pain and problems that occur in my life but I know that they are there.
I must trust that I do not have the answers but that God does and will lead me in the right direction if
I listen to him and trust him through the good and the bad. Whether it is things like ants in my computer or no Internet in my house or larger things like the death of my boy or the chronic depression that plagues me everyday , it is all pain and it all affects me greatly even if others do not
see how much that it hurts. I must seek God in everything that I do and not walk away from him even
in my darkest moments when I am angry with him. I do feel lost often about how my life has turned out, let down by my own actions or lack there of and hopeless about what lies ahead of me but I
must wake up every morning, put one foot in front of the other and move forward in this journey.
I am fearful, sad, lost, and often totally clueless but I am still here and to use a football analogy; The
game is not ever until the clock displays all zeros in the final quarter , even if you trail by three touchdowns with four minutes remaining there is still hope you can pull out a miracle comeback.
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