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Entry 1 of 336
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3/24/2008
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Alone and lacking a sense of self.
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I got some things done on my laptop and then thought I would see how things were with my girl who was with her mom, she told me she would be home later when I called her and she said that she would tell me later about what Internet people said. I am so angry and upset after that call, I need to know now what is happening with getting Internet service, It frustrates me so much. I also say to myself that I want freedom but when I am not with her or others I feel so without a self, so empty. I have no idea what to do with myself, I could get drunk or high but I am trying to change all of that. I feel so not here or anywhere when I am stuck with only me. I feel so lonely but when I am around others I feel trapped and engulfed. I want to cut, I wnat to get smashed but I don"t. It is always raining in my head, when I finally get up some hope and think things are getting better then I free fall from my cloud and crash to the ground. The riddles confuse me, The pain never washes away, and I feel that emptiness creep up on me. |
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