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Entry 1 of 336
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3/25/2008
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That little voice we all have.
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We all have that little voice inside of us that talks to us during daily life, that voice that warns us when danger is ahead or gives us a heads up on what ways we should go in life and more. To Some people that voice is a friend, when they go for a job or try to do something important to them in life they hear that voice telling them that they can do it, that they have what it takes and it gives them that added boost.It has never been that for me, I always hear that voice saying 'you kidding me, you will fail and fail misrably if you try this' It tells me I have no chance and that I am stupid and nothing, it tells me to do things that will harm me and it tells me that I am not good enough. I am not sure why this is, it could be that ever since I can remember people have told me that I am a dreamer and the things are want cannot ever happen, people have told me that I am not smart enough, cute enough, fast enough, or rich enough. I have either been too old, too young or too.. something. We do what we learn, and if someone tells you something enough then you are bound to believe it. When I hear that voice tell me I am stupid or weak or anything else that It does, I often believe it. I get a burst of positivity but just when I think it is real and will last it leaves me. I know I can do great things in life, I might even have what it takes. I just have to find a way to silence that voice and stand up and tell my illness and the world that I will not be denied. I am not ready to die yet even though I hear that voice telling me it is hopeless everyday and to just give up. I want it all even though the world tells me it is too late. I am still here trying, through my BPD , addictions, and insecurities my heart still beats and my dreams still live, maybe I will fail, maybe I am dumb and hopeless but maybe, just maybe I am someone great who can make a difference in this world and find a touch of happiness in the process.
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