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Entry 1 of 336
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3/27/2008
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Today"s feelings
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Toby ( my new puppy ) woke me up early this morning, 6 am to be exact and I am usually not a morning person but today seemed to be able to get up with him just like he was a baby and feed him and then took him out back in the yard and let him play while I read some. I only slept 5 or so hours last night but feel OK. I opted not to take my Seroquel and did not have the horrible vivid dreams I had been having of late and do not feel groggy today so maybe I will go off of that. Not having a Doctor makes everything more difficult as I have to act as my own Psychiatrist, therapist, and AA sponsor. That is not the way it should be but what do I do if none of that is available to me down here ? I would love to get on a routine where I wake up, take the puppy out to play, do a workout (gaining way too much weight) , and then do my writings, study, etc online. There is just one thing preventing that whole plan from working out and that is I cannot get Internet access at the new house. I have tried every avenue but due to the red tape here there is no access in the nehiborhood I live in unless you want to buy a $1,000 antenna, which I cannot afford. I am frustrated about it but it is just one of those things that is out of my hands and I gotta accept that. I hope and pray that soon there can be some sort of solution because in all honesty a guy has to be able to get online. The moods go up and down , life shows up and kicks my ass, Leo irritates me as does most of the world at times, and the cravings persist but I am alive and doing my best to handle it all and make the best of life.. I woke up clean and sober and have not cut in three days so that is a start , maybe I will go to a meeting later, it is in Spanish but maybe I will go anyway. I am sure my mood will take a nose dive later and then come back up and then free fall again but for this moment I am somewhat OK.
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