Living on the Border !!!
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3/27/2008
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Words that have meaning to me.
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Poverty homelessness hate self destruction drugs alcohol hospitals medications disappointments depression sadness lost confused alone lonely abandoned abandon guilt shame empty cornered crushed wanting loss overdose suicidally shy grief nothing broken travel joy dreams come true married gay straight in between women men taboo europe nicaragua all over states death 86 years repeat relapse Tina coke beer AA friends love unconditional waiter escort model future past uncertainty self hate periodic self love doctors stupid my baby laptop loved ones God meaning purpose not knowing a damn thing hope/hopelessness BPD, OCD, and every other mental illness out there it seems .rejection help maybe Just some words and phrases I came up with to describe the first 32+ years of my life, how I feel, what I have been through, who cares, who I care about, and what might be to come. It has been an interesting journey with some sad, happy, and not sure moments . I have learned a lot but still feel that I don't know shit. I think I have somehow given something positive to others and the world and I hope that is true. I hope that there are many more years to come and this story has a happy ending but sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to live my life and be OK, life should not be a fight, it should come naturally and be a joy. That has not been my expireience . I have had good times in my life but the pain has consumed me and taken a lot out of me, sometimes I wonder how much more I can take, how much longer I can go on. For now I am working on my feelings and hoping for a breakthrough and some change soon or someday. |
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