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Entry 1 of 336
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3/31/2008
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Give us a chance.
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People blame the alcoholic, addict, or person who suffers from psychological disorders for their actions but the truth is would you blame a person who has Turrets syndrome for spouting off obscenities or an autistic child for acting out ? No, most people would not as it is not their fault or conscious choice to act out in such ways but rather their disease talking. It is no different for the alcoholic, addict, BPD sufferer or any other disease of the mind. We know that acting out, abusing drugs or alcohol or whatever is harmful and not the right choice but it is all that we know sometimes and our disease is constantly telling us lies and trying to convince us that it is who we are or confusing us with complex feelings and thoughts. I have relapsed over and over because I wanted a quick fix to what I was feeling. I needed to get out of myself and feel different and I continue to struggle with that. BPD and addiction rules my days, I have to really put an astronomical effort into not letting my illnesses cause me to act out or in , To see through the lies and choose recovery. Whether it is my addictions, psych problems , or overall insecurities the fact is that it all makes my life unmanageable and unbearable most of the time. I must treat it all in each moment of each day, I must choose to fight and not give in. I must do this for me and not for anyone else, if I do it for someone else it will never work. I guess I have not given up in this fight, I guess I must feel that my life is worth living and I still have a fighting chance to be someone great, if not then I would just let myself go. Do not blame us for our disease, we do try. Do not call us weak, we need your support. Give us a chance and maybe you will see despite the major hurdles we as Borderlines, bipolar, addicts, alcoholics, etc face day to day we do have great gifts and can make a difference in the world shall we overcome.
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