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Entry 1 of 336
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3/31/2008
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It is just me here, nothing to fill me up.
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I sit here watching people put back the beer and rum and wish I could join them, I guess I could but then what would become of me ? I would feel bad that I failed at recovery once again and then I would act out and feel depressed, it would take away the bad feelings for awhile but for how long ? I can't drink or drug. i have to keep reminding myself of that. I feel so lost without AA , I need it but not possible here, I need the fellowship of those like me. I feels so alone, I need some instant gratification, Girls, guys, alcohol, drugs, travel, something !!!! There is nothing to fill me, nobody to listen to my tears, I am just here with myself, my broken dreams, and , and ????
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