Living on the Border !!! - The steps will save my ass.- JournalHome.com

Living on the Border !!! - The steps will save my ass.- JournalHome.com Living on the Border !!!

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4/1/2008 - The steps will save my ass.

How powerless am I over my addictions and my mental illness ? I wake up clean and sober and get through each day solely on my reliance on a power greater than myself and by knowing that alone I can't make it, but with help I can find a better way. My addictions will never go away and that negative voice always lurks but I can overcome one day at a time with faith and work. I have to remember everyday I am powerless over my feelings and addictions but with the fellowship of AA and a higher power I can recover. Who can restore me to sanity ? The lord who put me here on earth and only He. How can I be restored and recover ? Become willing to completely turn over my will to that higher power. Searching and fearless moral inventory ? Digging deep down through all of the emotional baggage, character defects, and wreckage of the past to start to begin the process of recovery, to recover fully we must first see where we have been and what causes us to use. Admit to God, myself, and another the exact nature of my wrongs ? Hard part here, admitting the nature of my wrongs, admitting what I have done is not easy but a crucial step for me or anyone. i have yet to do this fully and this is a key reason why I continue to fail at recovery. Am I ready to have these defects of character removed ? I am ready, scared, but at this point have no idea where to start, sometimes wonder what are defects and what are deep seeded problems of the brain. Humbly asking God to remove these defects ? I know what this means, I know that I ask the lord to remove all of my defects, I ask with all of my heart to remove these problems and behavioral problems. Persons I have harmed ? I have harmed many people in my addiction, myself more but others of course. Part of the process of recovery ( and no different for me ) is to make amends to those I have harmed, including myself. Making a list is the first step. Following through on that list ? Vital to moving forward, I have trouble following through with things but I must make amends to all those that I have harmed and starting to clean up the wreckage of my past. Continue to take inventory and when wrong admit it ? I must always be vigilant and admit when I have fallen backwards or am not acting in responsible AA ways, admitting I am wrong is another challenge, something I have never been good at . Praying and continuing to seek out God in all I do ? Only way I would stay sober, It is through God that I will stay in the solution and prayer is another powerful tool to accomplish all of this. Carrying the message to others that suffer ? This is something that I look forward to and although I am right there still in my disease full throttle I try to help others having had much experience with the program, I hope to get this and help others get it as well. This is a fatal illness and I want to help others achieve recovery but first I must do so myself. These are my current view of the AA steps, the steps are the way out of this hopeless state of mind and body and will change me and my life if I give it all that I have. I never have fully given myself to this program and that is why I still suffer. I hope this time with hard work and the grace of God I can recover and get It.