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4/12/2008
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Broken dreams remembered
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To quote the lyrics of a great band in the song promises broken : Every little thing about this tells me that NOTHING out there is ever gonna help me, all these words that I hear spoken , Just promises broken. Those words hit home because I had such promise for so long but I never achieved all that I hoped I would, I was promised an abundant life from my Lord and do I have one ??? Nope. I was promised by many that they would not hurt me, leave me, nor stomp my dreams out and yet ...PROMISES BROKEN . Of course there are some in my life that do not let me down and for that I am truly grateful , I just feel that There is nothing that will ever help me, nothing will take away the deeply imbedded pain and suffering and I am doomed. I hope that there is a way, that there is hope but if my future is anything like my past then I am in for much, much more pain. I know there are many that will tell me that I am smart, special,and talented and can do anything, that it will be OK but they do not know it will be OK, It has not been to this point so why should i think my future will be any different ? I sit here with the symptoms of my Bpd eating away at me as I try to go down a different path, thinking what if , what if ?? I feel so sad and like my life has been a waste but yet I am alive and struggling, oh how every Single moment is a painful fight to survive. Nobody can help me but I know that I do have support in my corner. I just have to decide is it worth it, is the pain I will continue to feel worth what I could possibly overcome, be , or accomplish ?? Will life be more of a great big broken promise or will it all be turned around ?? To quote another great band and there song... EVERYTHING CHANGES IF I DO ! |
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