Living on the Border !!!
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4/12/2008
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And it passes again..
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Rough night last night as one can tell from my previous posts but this morning I feel slightly better, I guess a lot better. It always seems to be worse at night for some reason and when I am not online, being online gives me a purpose, a distraction where I can do POSITIVE things to deal with my feelings . Today I guess I will hope and pray that Leo can call the Internet people and get to the bottom of this problem and get me access at home, it may sound silly but not having access at home is making me worse and worse and soon will possibly destroy me, I mean I do not have therapy or medicines or support groups here so the Net is my only source of recovery and help, she does not seem to understand that. People here do not get mental illness and the general way of American life but how can I expect them to ?? So, today I am about to go out and post this up on the site here and then just chill online for the day, maybe grab me a burger or something . I worry about the little scratch across my screen ( that is only visible when computer is off ) and the bugs that seem to be still in my computer and not having Internet at home and it is so very hard for me but here I am trying to think positive, not worry and hope that today is better than yesterday and that I can stay sober for day 47 and do my best with what life has in store for me , I will also say that my music keeps me going, be it all sad music I listen to but I can relate and it works for me . I posted a lot on here today but had to clear out my docs on computer as when JH was switching servers I did not stop writing and had much as result to post here, I am glad that I have writing as a way to deal with those so very difficult times and I do hope that I can help others understand the world of at least this Borderline . |
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